I’m not sure why, but I’ve always felt like everyone hates me. I truly mean everyone. I feel like every “I love you” or “I care about you” that’s said to me is complete bull shit. I tend to take things to heart, I try not to, but it just happens. People always say things, judge people, or act rude, and I know they don’t always mean it, but it still gets to me.
When I was little my friends would say “I hate you.” and I’d sit in my room and cry. Â No, they didn’t mean it, an hour later they’d say they loved me, but it still got to me. Some how I haven’t gotten better at ignoring people. I guess it doesn’t help that the people saying hurtful things are the people I care about most and want to not let them down. I try and try, but now I’m sitting on my bed, crying and waiting for certain people to text me.
I act like I don’t care, and I wish I didn’t care, but I do, so very much. And it sucks. I just want to go to sleep and not wake up. Not let anyone else down, not ruin anyone else’s lives. I just want to stop hurting everyone, but I don’t know how. I would just end it all, right now, but I can’t. It’s not me being afraid, I want to die. But after 4 past suicide attempts, I don’t want to fail again. I don’t want to hurt more people, and I don’t want my family to pay a new hospital bill because of me. I just don’t know what else to do.
2 comments
Talk to people about how you feel. You are not ruining people’s lives. They want you to succeed in life.
Yah, the world is full of haters. Rude, hateful behavior always leaves me shell shocked because in my head, the assumption is that everyone is just like me – nice. I wouldn’t be able to stand myself if I intentionally hurt someone’s feelings. But some people get a boost from it. Google “How to deal with haters”. There are some helpful articles on it.