I have been married for 15 years, for the last 3 years i have had an affair and fallen in love with this woman. I have been unhappy in my marriage for many years and when i was having my affair i was the happiest that i have ever been in my entire life. The other woman has gotten divorced and asked me to do the same, i cannot, the guilt of leaving my children and wife wont let me do it. so now this woman has moved on and i dont know what to do. i feel so helpless, my wife does not know about the affair but we have been going to counseling for our own problems for several years now. she wants unconditional love, i want her to be more passionate, more intimate, to hug and kiss more, snuggle. she says she cant do those things and i need to accept life for how it is. i have lost the one person that has brought me such happiness and joy, while my wife refuses to try. i am so depressed i have finally asked the doctor to put me on antidepressants. i am at the end of my rope and am swinging in the wind about to let go. i cant bring peace to myself, i have to be here for my children, they dont deserve to have their lives changed because of my actions and needs yet i cant stop crying or wishing i was no longer here. i think of her moving on, being with another man, knowing that my wife will never make me feel like she did. no where to turn to no where to go, no way to heal. i know GOD i carrying me right now but for how long? i will write again……..
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6 comments
Your wife deserves to know you cheated on her. Do right by your children and teach them not to repeat your mistakes.
If your marriage is so unhappy despite your best efforts that you’re in danger of killing yourself, it may be better to get a divorce, painful as it will be for all involved. I am goung through a very nasty divorce myself at the moment, so i know how it feels. But a divorced dad is still better than a dead one, and you can rebuild your life!
Your children will be in tremendous pain if you kill yourself. But if you get a divorce, you will still be able to be there for them. You can not let yourself keep suffering in a dead marriage like this for their sake. Get a divorce, it’s the only solution. Death will bring untold hurt and trauma to your children; they will live for the rest of their lives thinking it was their fault Daddy died.
No! It is inmoral and selfish to get a divorce ! no ! because you have children, and they dont have to pay the consequences. Do absolutely not listen to “acrossthestars” evil counseling.
I am seeing in you a fair and correct judgement. I am sorry my man but you must man up and assume the situation. You are owed to your children. If your wife does not love you, chances are that you have not done your job because you were too busy about the other woman. That other woman is not a good one, as she does not care about the suffering of your own children.
You have to be a mature and honest man to yourself and you must stay with your children and not let them see how their image of love in the form of their parents is broken.
I do not believe that divorce is immoral and I do not believe that it is, by necessity, the worst option for the children. I have seen too many children damaged by unhappy and / or unhealthy marriages. It is important that children are brought up in a healthy, stable and supportive environment. If however the environment is abusive, then it is perhaps the duty of the parent to remove them from that environment.
Divorce is however a serious business. The consequences are serious. You have a duty to your wife and children; having an affair was immoral. She, you wife, does however deserve to be told.
I think if a marriage can be saved you should seek to save it. If however it cannot, divorce would be better than suicide; children can come to terms with divorce, suicide is a damn site more difficult.
Divorce may be hard on the children, but you should not just stay with someone because of your kids. If your relationship is lacking then cut it off, but on good terms. Don’t let it crumble because that in fact would hurt your kids and tear them between two. If you still love your wife then try to work things out. If you no longer love her though, and no longer want to be with her then take the steps you need to to make yourself happy. But know that if you did divorce to be with that woman then your depression may not fade. It may for a little bit but you might have been thriving off of the simple fact that you were leading a double life. But under no circumstances should you be having an affair. If you don’t want to be with your wife then leave her, don’t make her feel more like shit by sneaking with someone else behind her back. There is no reason you should cheat.