In the Flesh

I’m having a lot of trouble lately. I thought I was doing better, things really seemed to be looking up for the past month or so. But the last week it’s just been getting worse and worse. I can’t be with myself anymore without wanting to disappear. It’s like I get 10 minutes alone and then all of a sudden all of the thoughts and feelings come rushing back in and it feels like I can’t breathe. Any longer and I start to realize that nothing will ever go back to the way it used to be, the way it should be. Why can’t I just go back two years and not fuck everything up so bad? I’d give anything to be able to do that. Just give me a re-do, let me fix things. I’ve learned from my mistakes now but there’s no point to the learning since it’s all over. They’re gone now, and I’m just stuck here in my own pointless fucking life.