i’m in my mid 30s. i love myself. i love my family. i was
given a good life (intelligent, attractive, talented, etc) –
but i would never wish my life experience upon anyone.
what brings me here is i am entirely 100% alone. i go days
without talking to anyone besides my family on the phone or
salespeople at stores. i’ve never been able to bond with
people. i never had many friends growing up, but i crave it
so badly. i’ve always wanted a great relationship and/or
great group of friends but so far the count is still at zero.
i am not in touch with any friends from school, college, or
previous jobs. i’ve found many of them on facebook and try to
regain the connection but it just goes nowhere. they usually
don’t reply to me or say “hey long time” then i never hear
back. they all have families and lives now. i thought i’d
be married with kids by 25 but now i’m starting to doubt it
will ever happen.
i don’t know what the problem is but it’s been a recurring problem
ever since i was a kid. my parents never let me join things
or go to summer camp or things other kids do. they didn’t
want to spend the money, or some other excuse. but now that
i’m substantially older, i have nobody else to blame.
wherever i go i’m either not accepted or i just feel like i
don’t belong. oh except for losers (druggies/etc), they
always seem to love me, but i don’t do drugs and i rarely
drink.
i’ve had relationships but my last one ended about 6 years
ago. on a bit of a cold streak since then. i’ve been
rejected every single time since then. there was one
potential relationship about 3 years ago that started off
great then out of nowhere they said they weren’t interested
and i never heard from them again. story of my life. get
me suckered into a feeling of happiness, then switch it up
and stab me in the back again.
it’s like i have a curse. i’m so sick of it. after that
bad experience i tried committing suicide but gave up. i
thought i’d live on pretending as if i would have missed the
following years. all i would’ve missed is more sadness,
loneliness, rejection, and pain. i am tired of living in
this pain.
15 comments
Hi 🙂
That must feel terrible. What kinds of people do you like?
i don’t know really. i just know it when i find one. if one were to say i was too picky, i would say i am guilty. i have high expectations of myself and i expect no less from others.
feels like my name precedes me, even online. i had a pretty good day. but i still feel rejected by society. it hurts me so much guys. i want to have a happy life but nobody wants me here.
Do you want to be here? Can’t always depend on people to have a reason to live. I was alone too, still am except for a few friends I made on here. Hey there.
*hugs*
I want you here.
I want you to stay and look for recovery.
It’s not easy to meet friends or somebody you want to date. And I feel like whenever I do have friends, they leave me, or something happens and they’re gone for a different reason. So I can relate.
The hardest part is getting past that little voice that downplays all your flickers of hope. In other words, when you get the urge to talk to somebody, and then that voice chimes in and tells you they won’t like you anyway, or they’ll just move on with their lives, whatever it tells you, stop it and push past it. It’s hard and it takes some getting used to. But making yourself push past the things holding you back, if you can do that you can definitely get out there are meet some people who will accept you for who you are. 🙂
Basically, you have to give yourself the opportunity to meet more people. Joining lots of clubs, getting into new hobbies, can help, both in that you might discover some new activity that you like, and also you will meet people who like that thing, too. You can join a book club, go hiking, join a class to learn a new language or to learn a musical instrument, etc. I dunno if you are religious but even if you’re not, swinging by a couple of churches/synagogues/whatever could also help you meet new people; people are always willing to talk to a new person who joins their church, it’s like meeting a new member of their family. Going speed dating or asking one of your family members to set you up on a date might be something to try, too. And even if it doesn’t work out, you might make a friend, or have a nice date, or have a really bad date and have a story to tell later to your friends. 🙂
Please don’t give up, it might be awfully appealing but your dreams are waiting for you to make them come true, and if you give up they will be all alone. *hug* Take care, good luck, I know you can do it. Remember, it takes time, but it will happen 🙂 Be safe!
I meant:
But making yourself push past the things holding you back, if you can do that you can definitely get out there **and** meet some people who will accept you for who you are.
Yeah, listen to what Mercy has to say. You can do it man! =]
I dunno, might it be an idea to ask people why they reject you?
From what you’ve written I think you sound great, but then again, I’m both a druggie and a looser, so that proves your point, lol 😀
i wish i knew why people rejected me. it sounds like a great idea but i don’t know if i have it in me to ask them directly.
mercy you do have good ideas too. i think a problem i have is more that i am kind of a know it all. meaning i don’t even bother joining things because i think i won’t like them. i need to ignore that “don’t do it you’ll hate it” attitude. i have an excuse for everything and if i don’t have one yet i’ll be able to come up with one. this leaves me sitting at home a lot and not doing anything – which i also hate.
but it’s just how things go for me. if i’m at social outings and everyone talking getting along fine, then i talk and the reaction is silence. meanwhile someone else could tell a story, everyone relates to it, except me. maybe it’s my inexperience, maybe it’s my fear and acknowledgment of this happening that causes it to happen, i don’t know. i just want things to go well where i feel accepted and don’t feel so out of place.
Thank you. 🙂
I think it would be a good idea to try to work around that attitude, then. Negative thinking gets us nowhere, and I’m guilty of it too, but correcting it pays off a lot. Maybe you could try thinking of something positive every time you come up with one of those excuses, and make a list of some things that you are proud of, things you like about yourself, things you would like to share with others. That can help keep your mind focused on what you want out of life.
Also, people love to talk about themselves. If you can figure out how to ask open-ended questions when talking to somebody, maintain eye contact, and get them to talk about something they love, that can really get them talking. I’m not really the best with people either, but no matter how awkward you feel, no matter how much you think they’re not going to like you, keep going. Sometimes people you don’t click with at first end up being your best friends, it’s crazy.
You could always see a therapist if you wanted, to talk some of this out. Sometimes a therapist can help you set goals to achieve and ways to get there. 🙂 It’s worth a shot, right?
i’d love to see a therapist i just don’t want to pay for it. (funny though that i’d contemplate suicide over paying for a therapist. suicide is a tad more expensive eh?)
i actually saw a therapist a few times when i was in high school. even then i knew i was “different” and my parents were trying to help me. i gained nothing out of it though. i can’t remember what happened. i remember manipulating my statements to test her rather than open up to my true self.
speaking of which.. i think that’s something i lack in everyday social settings. i’m never my true self. i always put up a facade that i think the person wants to see. maybe people can see through that even though i think they can’t. ugh. i’m very self sufficient and i want to figure this out. i have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
Im wondering, what activities do you enjoy and get engrossed in?
In my own experience, doing something you’re really absorbed in, together with others is a great way to learn to relax in social settings, to meet like-minded people and to just well, have fun.
i enjoy all types of outdoor activities. i went on a hike with a group to meet people. the average person was nearly twice my age and other than hiking we didn’t have much in common. the one person who interested me was in a relationship and brought their partner with them. most people brought their significant others so i felt like a 3rd wheel.. like i always do. for what it’s worth, i’m really attractive and people often get the wrong impression of me. i don’t get asked out, when i do ask out i’m often turned down, and i’m often alone.
last time i was really suicidal i thought about doing extreme sports. if i died at least i died having fun. funny thing is i heard of a suicidal guy in the news and through the same thought process he now does all kinds of crazy cool shit. maybe i should reach out to him..
otherwise i’d rather be doing things like jet skiing, snowboarding, surfing, etc.. i find these hobbies to be difficult to meet new people. most traditional hobbies bore the shit out of me.
i’m telling you i’m entirely 100% alone. i had one friend but they are being distant and giving extremely long strange answers as to why they can’t hang out. it’s crazy because i was certain they were obsessed with me and it’s like they quit cold turkey. we would hang out often, they were so great and friendly, then one day just never around anymore.
all i’ve ever wanted in life was a feeling of belonging but i seem to be selective with who i belong with. i want the people to have some in common and be in my age range. why is it so difficult to find?
also i’m sorry if i was harsh with my “losers” comment. some of my friends live for the bars and have nothing going for them in life. this is not me. it has never been me and will never be me. if you can lead a successful life while drinking or doing drugs then that’s fine with me. to each their own.. it’s more about being able to lead a successful life. another example, i was smoking up with a distant friend and his friends and i had a moment where i realized i was the only one of the group who had a real job. it made me feel like shit.
i’m thinking about traveling the world. i just wish i wasn’t doing it alone but from reading online and people who do that they all say it’s better to do it alone. i don’t know. last time i traveled to amazing places i was sad i had nobody to share the experience with. it made it feel like it didn’t matter.
ugh i’m really hurting tonight. i miss my friend so much. i don’t think they even know. last time we talked they said they missed me a lot – but they’ve had so many chances to to spend time with me and they haven’t. actions speak louder than words. maybe that goes both ways but i think i’ve been pretty open about it? they disappeared from my life, i didn’t disappear from theirs. i haven’t gone anywhere.
How are you doing now?