I don’t even know is this the right place to tell my story but I have to. I have kept it in for so long and I feel I need to talk about it.
When I was in high school I had a best friend, a girl who meant everything to me. We were so close that she knew all about me – my downs and falls, rights and wrongs and vice versa. But she had a problem that was bigger than others. Her mother and father got divorced and her mother did not deal with her anymore and turned to God, she just thought that giving money would solve everything but it didn’t. My friend started to have problems with her Internet friends who weren’t supporting her on that tough time and made her feel even worse so she started cutting herself. I freaked out, totally.
At first I thought it will pass but it got worse. She started to talk about committing a suicide. I yelled at her got so angry because she did not see the reasons to live that I did – loving friends, family, school, future etc. She just thought there is no point.
After suggesting to seek professional help, talk to her mother about how she feels, she just got worse and angry – she didn’t want any help. She said that there is so much pain in her that she ca’t breath and the only thing that makes it go away or is easing it is cutting. I had no idea what to do.
So i created her a fantasy world. A world where there was a spirit, someone who is always with her, looking after her and who is in love with her. I have knowledge and skills when it comes to supernatural so she believed me 100%. Things stabled for a while. She stopped talking about it (I think she was still thinking) and the cuts were not that regular. She was ok for few months but then it all turned for the worse again. I had to take my created world to another level. That was then when I started to sleep with her. I convinced her that the spirit took over my body. She was more or less stable for 2 and half years.
We went to collage (different cities). I waited for a year for her to get new friends and settle in that was when I told her that everything that she believed in was a lie. For my surprise she forgave me.
We are not friends anymore. A little fight got between two such good friends and I miss her so much she was my everything I wouldn’t have done what I did for anyone else but you always end up hurting the ones you love. I am not saying I am proud for what I have done, actually I have no idea what to think. It has been a year since we last talked but everything reminds me of the time we were together as friends so I published this post because I think I owe his to her and to myself.
I am sorry if you think it is not appropriate.
I thank you for reading….
C
2 comments
i hope you and your friend can become friends again , and at least you were able to help her in your way
A Myth of Devotion by Louise Glück
When Hades decided he loved this girl
he built for her a duplicate of earth,
everything the same, down to the meadow,
but with a bed added.
Everything the same, including sunlight,
because it would be hard on a young girl
to go so quickly from bright light to utter darkness
Gradually, he thought, he’d introduce the night,
first as the shadows of fluttering leaves.
Then moon, then stars. Then no moon, no stars.
Let Persephone get used to it slowly.
In the end, he thought, she’d find it comforting.
A replica of earth
except there was love here.
Doesn’t everyone want love?
He waited many years,
building a world, watching
Persephone in the meadow.
Persephone, a smeller, a taster.
If you have one appetite, he thought,
you have them all.
Doesn’t everyone want to feel in the night
the beloved body, compass, polestar,
to hear the quiet breathing that says
I am alive, that means also
you are alive, because you hear me,
you are here with me. And when one turns,
the other turns—
That’s what he felt, the lord of darkness,
looking at the world he had
constructed for Persephone. It never crossed his mind
that there’d be no more smelling here,
certainly no more eating.
Guilt? Terror? The fear of love?
These things he couldn’t imagine;
no lover ever imagines them.
He dreams, he wonders what to call this place.
First he thinks: The New Hell. Then: The Garden.
In the end, he decides to name it
Persephone’s Girlhood.
A soft light rising above the level meadow,
behind the bed. He takes her in his arms.
He wants to say I love you, nothing can hurt you
but he thinks
this is a lie, so he says in the end
you’re dead, nothing can hurt you
which seems to him
a more promising beginning, more true.