I feel as if, I thrive to drive myself insane. As if, I’m trying to tear myself down piece by piece on others’ well-being. It feels like I’m a glutten for misery, nothing can change that. I’ve tried my best to make the better of myself, to make myself happy. It’s like I’ve been mutilated beyond my own recognition. Nothing seems to make me happy, smile, or laugh anymore. Everything just seems to get harder, and tear me down as I move on. It’s like I’m pathetic, completly worthless. I’m numb to everything, I feel nothing anymore; nothing but pain, misery, depression, sadness. Like, it’s a never ending feeling. Cutting, and just watching myself bleed; the thoughts through my mind, raging! I work up enough courage, and tears to keep going. To keep going deeper, to try and make myself stop breathing. I suffer from major depression, and bipolar; but medication does nothing.. all it is to me, is icing on the cake; to try and cover my flaws. Does anyone else go through this?
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4 comments
i dont think youre pathetic at all. i dont know first hand what it feels like but i have known many who have. i know its not easy and im not here to tell you it is or that i myself have overcame anything like that but i have seen others do it and have helped them and i know you too can overcome. contact me if you want to talk
i feel the same way. completely numb to the world. as if im just a corpse. cutting helps for a bit, then the moment passes and im miserable yet again.
That’s exactly how I feel, as if cutting does nothing but mutilate my body; make it totally sore to the world. It makes my pain go away for a quick second, but then after that; it’s just a scar there to remind me of why I did it. Then the pain comes back again.Medication doesn’t do anything but give me more suicidal thoughts, and gets me spinnin’. It gives me a buzz, a high, to take me away from this reality a lil’ bit. I’m only 13, I need to find a way to cope with my reality. Otherwise, I’m gonna end up suffering worse than what I already am.
yes, anti depressents never coped well with my anxiety. it makes it easier if you have someone to talk to. i feel like my life was fucked form the begininng. your still so young, i hope that your reality gets easier for you. why are you so sad?