Have you ever feel like a wasted potential?
I know that we’re all here for different reasons or factors. But as a failed 40 years old musician from Indonesia, despite everybody telling me that I’m musically very talented (I compose/write songs/music too; used to have a band & perform quite a lot in many stages & events, although just small ones), but here I am now just being a nobody/nothing & basically to be honest a failure/loser who is just rotting away.
A lot of people have told me that I’m smart, a ‘deep’ person, unique, different, a kind/good person, empathic person, etc etc etc. But everything it all doesn’t matter, because in the end, the harsh reality is here I am now I don’t know what to do anymore.
I hate to say this, but maybe my life being quite a privileged one (or even pampered/spoiled) might ironically be one of the main causes for me becoming like this. But on the other hand, I know it’s also not that simple. I do admit that mainly it’s all because of my own faults/mistakes too: I’ve made wrong decisions, or more like inactions, being indecisive, missing all the good chances/opportunities when I was young back then a long time ago. It’s like my personality & characters is more like a curse than a blessing. My ‘dark side’ seems to have won over my ‘good side’, sadly. And this includes (ironically again) my almost obsessive, autistic curiosity to read & find out by myself a lot of ‘deeper’ (& darker) things about life, this world, philosophy, existence, reality, etc etc (mostly from the internet/online, well, reddit being one of them for example). I know it’s stupid & ridiculous that what I’ve read all these times have actually causing my own downfall (I don’t even know anymore if it’s ironic or tragic or just basically another pointless, meaningless, & random things happened with no purpose, at least in nihilistic way of seeing life & this existence).
It’s really sad, crushing, frustrating, heartbreaking, & depressing, when I see almost everybody else or people seems to get ahead in their lives; while here I am just too depressed now (been diagnosed with major depression two years ago) to do anything, mostly because I honestly, seriously think/feel that maybe everything it’s already too late now, to fix everything, since I’m not that young anymore, and also I’ve wasted so many good opportunities & chances. I don’t know. I feel like a big, total failure/loser, but it’s just so ironic & tragic that I’ve basically become such a waste potential (or wasted talents). I feel like a waste trash or a waste of oxygen that should not exist, but still exist anyway..
Sorry if this got too long
Have anyone here perhaps also relate & feel like a wasted potential too? I would love to hear your stories, thank you.