I’m here again.. I’m high again.. Lookin in the mirror. Lookin her in the eyes. She gets to hide. Behind those beautiful doors; closed. So silver; they shine. I turn away to see the dark; truth. I always find my way back. To see her again. Wishing I was in her shoes. And she was in mine.
This is why I love to get high. Finding my reflection in mirrors. Windows. She gets to hide for the ugly world. And I get to hide behind a fake smile. And live for the both of us.
71 comments
Beautiful. Your work is not bad at all. <3
Thanks. <3 I still feel it could use some editing. But, we already talked about this. Lol.
It was good. Here is one I made years ago (when I was like 15)
Fake the truth
Take the pain
Ignore the questions
Cant complain
No one knows
The pain is true
Here it comes
The clock hits two
School lets out
Memories flow
Close my eyes
Feel so low
Taste of tears
On my lips
Pen in hand
Blood on wrists
In my mind
Always there
Engraved in my heart
She doesn’t care
Leader of my heart
General of my pain
To you my love
Was just a game
Stole my heart
Tore in two
Goodbye my love
It cant be true
And here is another I made a couple years later… I’d love your input
A beat is never skipped
It hums to all my shame
And I try to hide my face
Let me bury it in flames
I try to hold it back
But my dam always breaks
Over flowing with the tears
More force than it can take
My chains are still attached
And locked without a key
A weight that holds me back
Why can’t you see
How you pull and pull away
And yet I still feel close
You’re an addiction I still crave
Like a need to over dose
You think that you are cute
With the childish way you act
Bouncing up and down
Pretending to be tact
But I’m the one that’s foolish
With holding onto you
Knowing I can’t win
And there’s nothing I can do
If I could have one wish
I would wash you away
Clean you off my hands
Watch you go down the drain
But wishes are for fools
And hopeless romantics too
There’s no genie in this bottle
Or twinkle in the sky
So here’s to moving on
And finally saying “Goodbye”
You render me speechless.
That is the nicest compliment my work has ever gotten.
Thank you so much Katrina <3
Misery is my friend (and companion) tragedy will be the end (of you and me) you as a whole, are the essence of beauty. beauty; so dark. rip out my heart (shove it down your throat and choke) you sing to me when were alone (pain and sadness warm my soul) so sing me songs forever. A smile on my face. (permanently placed) to fool you, make you believe. we are not perfection (barbie and Ken) were a dysfunctional piece of art. it’ll end. I told you (misery is my friend) tragedy will be the end. it’ll end. and when.. will you still sing me songs at night?
You are so very welcome James. <3
It honestly did.
I always find it so refreshing how people have different styles of writing. I find yours engaging and very interesting to read. Captivates me even >_O
I did smile at the barbie and ken refrence
Those are older ones… my style has changed quite a bit. Here is a newer one..
My worthless pathetic arms
Covered in my worthless pathetic blood
Traced over the name I carved for you
Will you regret what you have caused
As the night stands still
And the blood drips to the floor
Could you ask for more
I slowly faint in and out
Our song humming so far away
Like the first day we met
And all the secrets that we kept
Drifting off into nothing
I will soon be forgotten
Sing another sad song for us
A serenade of love and loss
Sing another sad song for us
A serenade from your heart
I wait for the day you remember
And I hope you remember all too well
The times that time stood still
While the Earth shattered opened
And our hearts became one
What could I do when you said
“I want you”
I’ll always surrender to your gaze
From hazy eyes, half unread
What goes on in that mind
What goes on in your heart
What would it take for you to surrender
Sing another sad song for us
A serenade of love and loss
Sing another sad song for us
A serenade from your heart
I wait for the day you remember
And I hope you remember all too well
The times that time stood still
While the Earth shattered opened
And our hearts became one
What could I do when you said
“I want you”
^^^^^ That one is about having someone you just know you need to get away from but cant because they keep reeling you back in (however. in this case it is sex)
First off, gotta love the barbie and Ken thing. I laugh while I was writing it.
Second, I love this. And I love that you repeated those 2 sections.
Your words, float across the sea of my soul. Through the darkest depths of my heart. A signal in my brain. I feel your pain. Your words are beautiful.
And you just made me blush and my heart skip a beat. Congrats haha 😛
Winning! 😀 (<-and I'm legit smiling that big.)
I hope today has been a better day for you than yesterday was. 🙂
Since you are smiling I say it might just be.
I am glad I could be apart of that.
It definitely is. Which is fucking awesome. A huge accomplishment.
I as well, am glad. And super glad we got to share some of what we write.
You started it 😛
I’ll keep reading if you keep posting
Got any plans today?
😛 alot of mine are really short. But, I will continue to post.
And my plans for today are to sit at home. :/ I dont usually make plans because they never work out the way I expect them to anyways. Ha.
What about you?
I have no plans today either… I am just on my laptop watching movies with this site up on the side hitting refresh every so often.
And what do you mean they never work out? Like they get canceled?
Favorite movie genre? Gotta ask.
Well, beginning of summer for me, I went out to Washington for 2 weeks. I planned to see all my friends and get some good drugs. I ended up hanging out with only 2 people, and it fucke shut up with both of em. It just didn’t work out how I planned. And when I was out there I got drunk and pissed off and forgot my purse at a bus station and by the time I got back, someone took the 800 bucks that was in it. Me going there ruined a few friendships. And caused me problems back here. I lost my job web I got back because I was dealing with my personal problems.
Fav genre…. Not sure if I have one to be honest. Right now for some sick reason I am really into zombie movies hahaha it changes all the time though.
You?
Damn losing 800 dollars has got to be a *****. I am lucky that no one has ever stolen my purse 😛 but seriously that is a major blow of cash.
What kind of drugs do you use?
And have you gotten another job/looking?
Dude.. Zombie movies are dope. Haha. I love scary movies. Always have. Especially the corny and extremely predictable ones. 😛
Haha. No shit. People will take te money. But not the purse. Lucky for me cause I had a penis keychain. :O don’t ask. 😛
I’ll do anything at least once. I’ve tried a lot. But when I lived in Washington it was mostly ecstasy. Now that I’m in south Dakota, it’s meth. Well, used to be. :/
Haven’t gotten another job. It’s hard enough to get up and go to school. Which sucks. Because I got expelled a while back. So, I won’t be graduating this year. 🙁
You got a job?
Oh man… I havn’t tried either of those. I’ve only done weed, alcohol, opiates, benzos, and cocain, adderall, and ritilin.
And of course benydry and that OTC stuff… not recommended.
So you are a year behind? That sucks… I never failed. Or got expelled… I got detention alot and suspended a few times but never the final boot. Well in daycare I got kicked out alot… doesn’t count though.
So you are a jr right now? I graduated in 07.
What did you get expelled for?
And yes I have a bs job working with the family store…. I hate it. Its like a truck accessory store. I hate working in the heat. I know it sounds gay but I am such a pretty boy that I hate to sweat and to mess my hair up (thought I did just buzzed it yesterday. Had the long “emo” bangs before and such)
I’ve done weed, alcohol, cocaine, alot of prescription meds, meth, heroin, ecstasy, LSD, dmt.
Yes I am. And lucky for you. Because it sucks ass. Seriously.
I actually got expelled because of drugs. And that was my 3rd offense (even though it was at a diff school). The cops fucking cuffed me in shook and walked me to the cop car. They made me ake off all my bracelets and shit. Which made me cry. Cause I have one of those special made, inmemory ones. That I haven’t taken off since I got t. (my aunt was murdered) anyways..
It doesn’t sound gay. It just sounds like you care about how you look. Which is nice. Sorry you hate your job though. Always horrible to work doing something you don’t enjoy.
Oh yeah. And I’ve tried mushrooms. LOLfailz reminded me. Haha.
I know how embarassing that is to be cuffed… When I got caught with my embezzlement at my old job (Wal-Mart) they cuffed me right there and walked in out.
Everyone was so shocked. I mean they ALL knew I was buying opiates (fuck thats how I got my hookup) and that I always seemed to have cash with me (I’d even give it to people who needed some. Like if they asked for 20$ I’d just give it to them and tell me dont worry about paying me back).
It was so… messed up. The only funny thing is I have a Kingdom Hearts tattoo on my right forearm and the cop lady was like “I know this is a bad time but that tattoo is sooo pretty”.
First of all, love kingdom of hearts.
Second of all, the ladysaying that made me giggle.
And, we really can relate. Damn.
(not with that whole situation, but the cuffing shit like that.)
Lol I get compliments on my KD tattoo all the time. When I was at warped tour some girl came up to me and actually huged me saying she loved me because KD is so awesome. She took a picture of it and kept hugging me. Her boyfriend was right behind her… looking pisssed XD
and I did laugh when the ladycop said it. more of a nervous giggle… I have never been in legal trouble before that. I stayed the night in jail… :/
It is nice to have people to relate to.
mmm. it really is nice. and that is awesome as fuck. i feel like i would be just like that girl. ha.
Well first she saw the KD shirt I had on. Thats why she ran up to me (I think relient K was playing then) and then I pointed to her the tattoo. lol she was hot XD
i believe that. lol. probably would have made my day if i was you. i love it when random people do that. and random people come up and hug me. it’s weird. and awesome. all in one.
Do you get random hugs alot?
actually, when i was alot younger, in school i would run up to people i didn’t know and give Them random hugs. idk why though.
I use to also when I was like 5. I was the cutest little shit ever. I had this… little smirk.
I still have it. Like I do this one sided grin… Hope you get what I mean.
awh! 😀 i believe that. lol. i love kids. they’re so funny. and it’s so hard not to laugh when they swear. ohgod.
i was a little asian baby. :O i looked so much more asian than i do now.
You are asian anddddd…?
oh. i’m a mutt. :O
japanese, chinese, hawaiian, tiny spanish, tiny black, german, polish, and tiny irish. so, i usually say half asian half white.
That is a mutt. I usually just say white. Though I have other things like native american and shit. haha I am to lazy.
haha.
me and my sister are the only asians in the town that we live in.
Asians are hot
hahaha sorry XD
But the asian girl in the movie The Descent (that horror movie where the british chicks go in the cave) is soooo hot.
XD
So you live in a small town?
nope. i’ve got to agree with you. don’t apologize. personal opinions. lol.
and i do. population almost 3,000? i think.
1 school k-12. (washington is seperate for elementary, middle, then high) 1 movie theatre that plays one movie each weekend. and it doesn’t take that long to walk around the whole town. it’s not tiny tiny. but, it’s basically, you go through main street in about 5 minutes?
Wow – that is soooo small!!!!
Has pros and cons I am sure.
it’s just small. lol.
worst thing is that if word gets out about something, everyone knows.
Yeah I figured that lol.
I live right beside the city capital (Richmond) so its pretty big near me. Though I still live to south for my taste.. Hate the heat, the confederate flag, the racism, the hunting, the accent (I am SO glad to say I have NO souther accent at all… God I am so lucky for that), nascar, ect ect.
that’s funny. i’m sorry i’m laughing at your misfortune.
😛 I am glad to see you laugh alot.
i am glad that you’re glad to see that. some people think i’m bi-polar though. i can be straight up arguing with someone.. pissed off to the point i’m crying. screaming. breaking stuff. and the next minute. i could give a shit less about what just happened and be smiling. laughing. and not like, as a defense mechanism or whatever. it’s weird. and scary. sometimes i can’t get out of that horrible mood though.
Have you ever thought of getting test to see if you are bi polar? I can only imagine how difficult that is on you.
no. not gotten tested for anything such as that type of stuff. i told my mother and a close friend that i will not go to see a doctor or therapist. it’d be dumb for them to give me meds.. i would easily decide to overdose. like, idk. i don’t think i’m depressed really.. i feel like there’s nothing wrong with me except that i wanna kill myself. and.. i don’t think that’s wrong.. uhm. rambling.
I’ve been going to therapists lately… I started cutting so deep it got outta control. They kept sending me to the ER (way to late for stitches so those will be scars forever).. So now I am on anti depressants and a little xanax (doubt they will refill it)
There are so many ways to OD but it is very painful unless you have the right stuff… I mean shit you can OD on tylenol but it is a very slow and painful death.
see.. i would want to OD like, on heroin. or even shoot air into my vain. fuck, i don’t know how many times i’ve thought of that one..
<3 i got love for ya man. does it help you at all?
I like the OD on opiates idea. If I still have a good income I would… I have a job but am on leave now cause of all this shit. I wont get a check for a couple of weeks and IDK if I wanna live that long. I mean I was thinking of hanging myself monday at this place me and an ex (the begining of my downfall I believe) had.
People are saying the anti depressants help. They say I am more social and stuff… That I look happier. IDK. I thought for a minute they were but… now idk.
mmm. same.. if i had money (and my friend who has the hook-up would get me my shit i would do it very soon) i hate to sound like, unsensitive or whatever you may think, but what if you fail? like, your plan for monday?
like, if you follow through with it?
Fail as in the belt breaks or…?
yeah. any sort of factor such as that.
when are you planning on doing it? day or night? i also thought night was better.. cause then no one would notice as quickly..
Well… I suppose I’ll bring a few things. The rest of my xanax, liquar, belts (or ropes maybe if im not to lazy to buy one), knife. Maybe even sleeping pills and a bag.
One of those things would kill me. The only problem with the xanax is it calms me down.. what if it calms me to the point I dont wanna do it? So I might not bring that… but it would be useful if I need to do the bag over by head instead.
Worst comes to worst just drink until I cant feel much pain and just slash the wrist clean open.
I would do this near night… Tell the family I am going to my friends house but really go to “the rocks” (its what we called them) and then do it.
i don’t wanna be selfish.. and tell you to text me when you feel like you’re going to do something. then just distract you from it so that you suffer through another day. because i hate it when people do that to me. unless you think that would help. smileyface.
but if you fight the sleeping pills, you’ll just get high. just saying.
mmm. at least you have a day. i have to sound unsensitive again.. but like, it wouldn’t be a spur of the moment thing. maybe. :/
i plan to at least before my 18th.
oh I know… I hate the high from sleeping pills (the same chemical that is in benydryl) and it trips me out… take enough and you totally see things like spiders and friends and have convos with ghosts. Thats why I’d prefer the xanax to know me out.
And I suppose it is a spur of the moment thing… but why not? Why wait? I am probably going to jail within a month or so because of the embezzlement (for 30 days) so why keep waiting.
And it wouldnt be selfish for you to ask me to text you… I’d even be able to say goodbye and give you last words of wisedom. Text me 🙂
i do too. it’s fucking weird. and, i can’t tell you why you should wait. but if you leave.. then i’ll have no one to make Me feel better. so, i will be selfish in that respect. and that’s true.. i’m gonna. hold on.
My only two regrets leaving would be
1. Never finding true love
2. Never being able to make people smile and laugh anymore.
v_v
do you mean, before you do the deed you’d regret it?
More of a sense that I no longer would be able to do the two things that bring me happiness the most.
I know it seems that if I am already thinking of things I’d regret maybe it is not my time… but that is not the case.
I just know the happiness I bring people. The catch with that is I always end up hurting them in the end.
So why make them happy if I will just betray them someday
:[
i find it funny, how some people would love to cheat death.
while some (like most of us on here) wanna beat it to the punch.
Takes all types to fill up a world of over 6 billion people. Of course there are gonna be a few screw balls like us. Atleast we have each other though. Makes it not so hard.
It is one thing to feel like you are the only person wanting to die. It is completly different knowing there are others who share your deepest darkest wish.
But I do find it sad all those that do die that want to live.. while I live but want to die.
It is not fair. I would give my life to save anyone who wanted to live.
well, of course. there’s gotta be. what kind of world would this be if everyone was the same.
i also agree with that. my aunt got her life taken away after having married her highschool sweetheart, moving in together, and having a child. she was always smiling, always happy. very nice. and she got her life taken away from her.
it’s not fair in the least bit. i’ve had a shit life.. and i have what she wanted.
a life, to be specific.
I’d like to know more about your life sometime. I really would. Unless it is to painful to share. We both seem to have some stories that can make a novel out of it.
James – There Is Poetry in Dispair
Katrina – The Lover Who Never Filled That Void
I know… dumb titles.. Thinking off my feet.
i like them actually. :]
i do have to get going right Now. but, i will talk to you again. very soon. <3
take care James.
Goodbye Katrina <3
Thank you god
Cool story bro