I keep running away from myself. I don’t want to think, because if I start thinking, I start going over how fucked up I feel despite leading such a great life.
I don’t know why I’m close to snapping. I never thought I was free from these thoughts. I keep holding on tightly to my feelings, because if I let go, I’m going to do something I’m not sure I’d regret. But I thought I’d get better if I stay away. But I haven’t. And it’s just festering all these months.
Thing is, I don’t want anybody to help me, so nobody ever ever knows. The hardest thing is pretending you’re okay. It’s fucking exhausting trying to pretend. But I won’t do anything else, because that’s all I know how to do. So I smile and it’s like I’m already dead. I’m so tired of feeling like this. But I won’t do anything cause I’m too scared to change my life.
3 comments
i ruined my life. why does everything have to be so hard?
@confused
hello brother, kindred spirit; you’re not alone in your experiences. Please know that as much as you feel the pains of emptiness, so to do your spiritual brothers and sisters around the world. I know what’s it’s like to have it all but feel so disinterested. Why are so many of us, leading these lives of contentment, why are we battling ourselves so? Why do we feel this disconnection between mind, brain and body?
you shared a thought that I’ve been wrestling with for some time now: “I don’t know why I’m close to snapping”
You don’t need to pretend here. Let it out