Just another day on planet Earth. I’m at work as usual, late this morning because I neglected to turn the ringer on for my alarm. Had to get my “roommate” to drive me to the GO station. He’s been on me recently about using the space heater to get my room toasty so I paid him $100 in utilities this morning. I’m going to use the heater again and he’s still going to give me guff and I’m going to want to move out.
I wish I had more of a backbone but I wasn’t raised that way. I’m paying him for the hydro that I’m using but still it will be an issue.
I keep thinking of a scene in the movie Faster. billy Bob Thornton is about to be killed and he starts going on about heaven and hell and how they’re here and we’re in charge of living in either.
I’ve created my own hell and I’m too weak to get out of it. It’s so hard being alone, so freaking hard. No matter how many times I tell myself that I don’t need anyone, the longing remains.
Like that gay teen that killed himself recently, I just want someone to love me for me. Why don’t I try speaking to someone? Because I’ve nothing good to say, too negative. I made a post the other day about wanting a girl who’s desires include the worlds destruction.
I want to be in love, I want to trust someone, I want to build a life with someone.
But I’m inadequate. Nature will take its course eventually; suicide calls
3 comments
If you want something, you’ve got to go and get it. That’s the most sure-fire way of getting it.
Meanwhile, I liked your post. You’re very eloquent.
I liked it too.
I feel the same way. Inadequate and alone. Trying to tell myself I can just be independent instead of lonely, but feeling like that will never be the case. I avoid telling people about this side of me for fear of bringing them down with all my negative energy.
You’re not alone in that people like me feel the same as people like you, so you’re not crazy at least.
I feel you man