Ambulance Diary III… Death.

i am sure that probably all of You sometimes wondering “whats gonna happen after death”.

Death is beautiful. In my work practise i’ve seen death many times.. I like death at home, when human is laying in bed and waiting it in silence. The last breath. The last words. The last gaze.. Usualy when we have dying patien with some serious disease and we don’t need to make CPR, i just sit and watch. It’s magical. Sometimes i put electrodes to see heart’s stopping. It is really magical. Slowly, saint.. Sometimes human dies,but the heart is still fighting and still making some single beats, so we can’t leave, need to wait complete line. In such people’s face, who meet death naturally, You can see some strange relief… Well, i guess that they had a really big pains before death. Cancer is a really tuff gift.

Speaking about suiciders, we’ve heard a few stories from them. From those who have been revived after clinical death. They don’t want to talk about it. I will never forget one man, who told, that after it he had no body, but was sitting in some creapy train. Train was gray and was going through souls.. And each soul was trying to catch him and throw out the train. He was so scared. Then ambulance made CPR and he came back. He never tried to suicide again..

When my bf suicided, i was dreaming him every night, like 4 months.. We made a deal once, that if someone dies, we meet in dreams. So all 4 months i have seen  him crying, black, sad, depressed and every night i felt that terrible feeling, what he was feeling. It was really scary. I couldn’t help him. He was so sad. Every night. Finally i talked with him! He said that he will be able to leave just when everybody will forgive him. I have no God. I believe in reincarnation. But then i prayed. I made everything to forgive him. I killed blames and everything, and after accepting that fact, that he’s totally gone and i need to set him free, he came back the last time and .. was gone. I’ve seen him smilling.

Many religions blame suiciders. Especialy catholics. They say that suiciders stuck between the worlds and being in pain forever. But it’s not like that! I am sure they are going free after accepting them mistakes and after everybody forgive them.

Death is not scary. And it’s not the end. I am sure. Just probably, You will need to work on hardly in other life..

If i was suiciding, i guess i would be affraid of how my family will handle that, but not about death.

It is part of our life.