hello hello everyone, i hope you are all hanging in there today.
just wanted to share something that has helped me in my journey through depression and multiple suicide attempts. i hope that this will encourage you guys as well, or at least give you another perspective on life. i am not trying to push religion or my personal beliefs on anyone so if you read this and think “what complete bullshit”, that is your rightful choice and i will respect that.
it’s important to know that i am part of this too- part of this darkness and misery and loneliness. i know what it feels like to just wish upon death every single day. that’s all you want really, for this pointless life to end so you can escape this feeling of utter emptiness that has been haunting you for as long as you can remember. you know that your entire life has been overcome by darkness and there is no light for you anymore.
but what if i told you there was a light? for me, it just found me. i was done looking, i just accepted the fact that death was my only escape and i would try and try until i finally got out. but one day, there it was, the light that pulled me out of the darkness.
i know that there is a god in this world. if you don’t agree, that’s entirely your choice, but i have no choice but to believe. if there is no God and the promise of an eternal life of happiness in heaven is a lie, what is there to look forward to in this life? what is the purpose of enduring all the pain and suffering that this life puts us through? it just doesn’t make any sense. why would we have been placed on earth for absolutely no purpose at all? i believe that God is alive and he has placed us here for good reason. although this life comes with seemingly unbearable suffering, there is a reason. If you don’t know the basis of Christianity, they basically believe that God created the world in all of His perfection. Then there was the fall, when humanity became sin and pain and suffering became a part of the world. But God sent his very own son to save us. Through believing in Jesus Christ, we can go to heaven, and a day of no suffering, no weeping, no pain, no loneliness, no sickness will finally come. i know it sounds bizarre, but once you experience the incomparable joy that God gives us, you just know that it’s true. there is so much more to God and Jesus Christ, but i am not here to teach you guys about Christianity. If you are interested, I highly recommend that you get a Bible, and just explore, or just walk into a church next Sunday.
when i came to God, everything changed for me. I cannot lie- i still fight feelings of darkness every day of my life. but i haven’t thought of killing myself for a long time now, something i used to think about every waking hour. i smile, and i laugh, and i have hope. although the world is dark, i see light. i truly believe that this is the only way to feeling any sort of peace or joy in our lives. throughout my years of living, never have i known what peace or joy felt like until now. again, i am sorry if it seems like i am pushing my beliefs on you, but i merely just wanted to share this source of hope with all of you guys. i hope that you will be able to share this hope with me.
Jesus said in john 8:12 whoever follows me will never walk in darkness but will have the light of life.
i hope that somehow, someday, you will found your light and walk out of the darkness.
have hope. xx
8 comments
Good post. I wanna your story. I wanna know how did you find your hope and joy. I can relate to your post Coz I believe that we all have a greater purpose in this life. More than just living in it. More than just enduring pain.
So if you would hit me up that would awesome. My email is in my profile.
-Fo
sorry, i don’t do personal e-mails b/c i have trouble trusting people on the internet. if you want to know more please let me know and i will leave you a reply on here. 🙂
please say a prayer for my soul, the prayer of a rightous man avail much, maybe just one prayer makes the difference as what God does with somonelse’s soul.
my prayers are with you 🙂
It’s not about God.
Sometimes killing yourself is the right thing to do.
Opression is worse than slaughter.
I am being oppressed and tortured, they stole and killed my children.
I have another on the way but it would be impossible for me or the baby to be happy so it is best for the babies sake to end it all.
It has nothing to do with light.
They took the only thing I cherished in life.
There isn’t much I cherish about this life.
I only want to kill these peple.
When you dream of murdering your entire family, especially your mother…it’s time to go because I have good reasons to kill her.
I hope they cut her head off and embalm it as an example of what a mother should not be.
I am talking about Linda Bughrara, not Sarah or Mary.
You poisoned my baby and defended those that wanted to finish me off….you deserve to be finished off yourself.
So yeah…pointless post.
I live with the signs of the baby I gave birth to, a miracle baby because they poisoned the hell out of him, then they took him away and now they deny I have a child.
This is Western civilization at it’s best, had they been able to they would have done worse.
They tried to poison the baby I have in my stomach now.
Dear Linda and Nadia, as far as I am concerned you are guilty of Murder.
It’s me that wins.
i would really love to know your story – for real i think god is a thing that people use to mentally pull themselves out a whole load of stuff that makes life way harder and way worse if you allow it ……………….. but, in all of that, i would still say, i would like to know what actually has happened in your life and stuff,
It’s so easy to loose hope. I do believe the answer all of these madness is JESUS. I don’t care if you’re poor, rich, suicidal, dumb or whatever. A life without CHRIST is an empty life. Even in my darkest hour of my life i can still hope. So tell me how did you find the light?
i’m not saying that turning to any certain religion will rid you of all your problems, because it won’t. There are still struggles after you find the light and start believing in a higher power. All I’m saying is things get easier, or at least for me they did. When dealing with pain, you gain a sense of hope and comfort in knowing that someone up there is watching over you. It’s not just all about darkness anymore.
As for me, I have struggled with depression for the majority of my life. It runs through my family (if you believe that depression is genetic) and I didn’t have the best childhood. My parents divorced when I was young and my dad who was my best friend just left me one day. I got home from vacation and he wasn’t there anymore. My mom remarried to a man who is one of the very few people that I actually hate in this world, his two children also being amongst that list. I was forced to live with them and was subject to terrible treatment by everyone in my family. I guess I’m lucky that I was never physically abused or anything like that, but I just felt like a ghost in my home. I wanted nothing more than to get out. I started drinking pretty young and as years went by, alcohol created more and more problems for me. A couple months before my first suicide attempt, I was on vacation with some people and I was raped by a brotherly figure whom I had trusted with basically everything. To this day I am so thankful that I didn’t get pregnant, I don’t know how I would have ever survived that. I got back from vacation in the worst mental state I had ever been in to a house that I hated and no one to talk to. I made my first attempt with a bottle of pills, was taken to ICU and stayed there for a week. Doctors say it was a miracle I survived so I suppose there is a reason as to why I got another chance. After this, finding the way to the light wasn’t easy. I attempted a couple more times after this and was just living day to day feeling like a zombie. But somehow, one day, I just walked into a random church. Something was just telling me that I should go, I guess it was like a last attempt and finding something that wouldn’t make me feel so helpless. As I was listening to the lyrics of the songs the church was singing, I just started crying. I usually never cry and I was surprised to see myself just breaking down like that. Lyrics from the song went something like:
No weeping, no hurt or pain
No suffering You hold me now
You hold me now
No darkness no sick or lame
No hiding You hold me now,
You hold me now
it was basically about how in believing in Christ, we could count on a day where there would be no weeping, no hurt or pain, etc. etc. and that Jesus was here protecting us until that day came. After that day, nothing was quite the same. I started to see the positive light of things that I had been so blinded to before. (i.e.: never being abused, not getting pregnant, surviving my attempts) and I just had something to look forward to. You know, Christians actually wait for the same thing that probably all of you wait for everyday: death. Christians also wait for the day that they leave this world in which they will join God in heaven in all of his glory and be at peace forever. So I guess in those terms, it’s not much different. But after you meet God, you don’t just long for death because you feel so empty and alone and dark and know that life is meaningless. You long for death because you are so eager to live in the presence of Jesus. And Christians believe that they have a duty here on Earth, that there is a reason why they were placed here, and they seek to fulfill whatever it is that duty may be. If there was no purpose, why would have God placed us here on Earth instead of a glorious heaven? You begin to believe that God has a beautiful plan for you and when the TIME IS RIGHT, you will be able to share eternal glory in heaven. My life suddenly had purpose, I suddenly had something to live for. People started to matter to me, it wasn’t always just about ME and how shitty I was feeling. It may not sound like much, but for those of you who really suffer through depression, you know that even the tiniest speck of hope can change your whole life.