I’m sick of this life. I can’t remember or think of one time where I was genuinely happy; a moment where everything felt just right. Fact of the matter is, I’ve always faked my smile. I’ve always had to fake moments of happiness, nothing was or is ever real. No one would ever believe I feel suicidal or that I’ve suffered and continue to suffer from depression if I told them. I try really hard to mask my internal state and the pain I feel with jokes, just so I don’t give off the impression that I’m actually sad inside.
When I see myself, the only thing I see is a miserable, failure. I’m in my 20’s, unemployed, never had a girlfriend because of my incredibly low self-esteem and still living at home. I haven’t accomplished a thing. I don’t have anything to be proud of. At family events and other social gatherings, I’ve always been the guy who has never had a girl. Imagine being asked all the time, why I don’t have a girlfriend and not having a response. I think people are starting to get the impression that I’m gay- but it’s not like I’m going to tell them that I have zero confidence with women, no game and all other issues that I have wrong with me at the dinner table.
I’m finding it incredibly hard to move on with my life….I don’t know how much more I can take. Between the financial burdens and emotional stress, it’s getting difficult to cope. I don’t want to be a 40 year old virgin, who is still living at home. I want to feel the joys of life and live….but as time is passing by it doesn’t appear within my grasp. I want to give up. I don’t feel like I’m worthy of life. It would have been nice to be born well off, good looking and have the confidence to be with any woman. But unfortunately, it wasn’t in my cards. My only options are to either continue with my mundane, miserable existence or to end it. The latter is looking like my inevitable fate.
5 comments
You know I use to have no confidence with women until I turned about 18. Then I started to just be myself, a jokinly funny guy. It turned my life around. You said you joke around alot, women love that.
As for the rest… I’d have to know more about why you are depressed.
Have you tryed councilling or going to a pschogist?if you are posative and happy you will find other people like you,deep down everyone feels the way you do not all the time but try and join a club or group see what happens if you dont make changes nothing will change good luck
i had the same self esteem issues as you, i know this sounds stupid but every day id go into the bathroom look in the mirror and out loud recite everything that i did like about myself and after roughly 6 months i honestly didnt care about what anyone else thought i built my self up so high that im damn near conceited now!
21 years old, and I’m the “Virgin Queen.” I’m damn proud that I didn’t turn into some kind of common slut/whore. My arrogance is all I got holding me up. I’m terrified of the bleak future before me, but the best individuals always die young (namely, me). In truth, I am a ‘failure’ in life.
Let me tell you sir, you are not alone. But it does feel like that when the only people who can relate, sadly, exist within cyberspace, but you can’t seem to find them in reality. All we can do is try to persevere and work hard to overcome the adversities; easier said than done.
You aren’t alone. Get help before it’s to late.<3