Still The Same

My friend recently told me he wanted to kill himself and after a long logical conversation where I did not encourage him to kill himself or not kill himself he claims that I saved his life. So I began thinking of my own suicidal thoughts and how proud I was of myself for not thinking of killing myself for an entire year a thought struck me. I think about it everyday, it’s just become such a casual thought that I don’t notice it anymore. When I’m driving I think about speeding up and crashing into something, I think about how that would be a great place to hang myself, I think about how that lock and the bathroom door would make it very easy for me to slit my wrists and bleed to death, I think about how I get home almost 5 hours before my parents and how they wouldn’t be able to stop me. I guess I’ll always want to die.