My life has been steadily falling apart for months. Thing have turned up and are looking positive again in recent weeks. Very much so. And all I would like is to not exist, more than anything, To just not be, Not necessarily to die, but nothing has ever been more desirable than to cease existing,
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i get a similar thing. As soon as things improve my brain flips out and i usually end up in a big depressive pit (bipolar tendency much?). Everything good i’ve ever had i’ve abused and squandered, including relationships. I think deep down i still don’t feel that i deserve anything good out of life, despite lots of cognitive therapy and alot of effort. Its just too easy to slip into negative patterns.
Too used to things goin down hill that you forgot how to be happy? It’ll come back to you, don’t scare it away, it’s a good thing believe it or not. Enjoy, you’ve definitely earned it