Im 26,just got out of a 3 year relationship with a guy I thought I loved….I owe $7500 towards a bank loan..accumulated $1500 in interest on top of that…I owe $800 to a local communications company….Plus rent is due in two weeks and im recently unemployed,my wallet was stolen last week and it contained almost 2 months rent inside…..My mom and dad don’t make an effort to talk to me(im the only child) I havent spoken with them in 3 weeks and I miss them so much but they think I only call home when I need money which is far from the truth I feel like there very dissapointed in me,they never call me …….my ex came and slept over this past weekend telling me he is not in a relationship to only find out he’s dating some ugly chick. I was creeping on facebook and came across her new profile pic with him and her together…..but thats not even what bugs me the worst..I can do better than him (although I dont like to think like that) I’ve just went through a mild stage of alcoholism which I treated myself ( i was getting drunk alone almost 4 times a week for 2 months)…..I dont even have the urge or craving for booze right now although I like to get loaded once a week…it helps me escape reality for at least one night a week. My main concern is my debt…I just moved back to my home City and Im finding it difficult to find work and christmas is rolling around the corner and my bills are stacking up……I feel like my only way to escape is suicide and it almost gets me excited in a way….this is the feeling I live with……What stops me is knowing i’ll be leaving behind alot of hurt people especially my parents…. no one knows what im going through..im a good actress……I feel like I should keep fighting and that it will get better,life will get easier…but I feel like iv’e been fighting for a while and life just is cruel and I’m ready to give up..my friends are buying houses having babies and what am I doing???….where did I go wrong….I’ve had 2 wonderful careers so far but now it seems work is hard to find…I want to go back to university but Im in so much debt….im lost …I cried 5 times today………probably cried to myself 20 times in the last week or so…….I don’t cry…..never and now im a faucet…..Im 26 and having nothing to show but a broken heart,dissapointed parents and a dissapointed me…I’m slowly gaining weight…..and I find myself feeling at ease when I think that all I have to do is be brave for those 10 minutes and all the pain and suffering will be gone and I will be at peace……It scares me to think that im getting braver to do the wrong thing every day…….
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Hey Chick
You sound like a smart person and your situation is horrible. let me tell you about myself.
4 years ago i was a full on junky with about $15000.00 debt to the bank and $1400.00 to the communications company. not to mention how much cash i owed for drugs.
I have never really spoken to my family i have spent many a Christmas alone with out as much aa a phone call.
I decided i needed to go back to work so i got a casual job at a local sign writing company. there i did thinks like drilling assembling signs and other labour. i was there for about 5 weeks and still using drugs but only on weekends when i fell pregnant.
i stopped everything i continued to work and in that time between falling pregnant and having my son i moved back into my dads house and i payed every cent i got back to the bank. i paid off the 15 grand in about 8 months though it was hard because i only had about $100 left in my pocket by the end of the week.
2 years later i am building a $800,00.00 house in one of the most beautiful places in Australia. i am the office Manager of a very busy small business and i go home every night and look after my 2 year old and study for my diploma in business.
i live on penny’s but and it is hard but believe me when i say there is a light at the end of the tunnel and if i can pick myself up from where i was then im sure someone as intelligent as you can too.
Dont be afraid to ask for help your parent would be more disappointed in you for killing yourself. even if you feel useless having to ask you can ALWAYS REDEEM YOURSELF.
i Love acting and singing and playing guitar and i spent my whole teens doing that but sometimes to move on you need to start with baby steps all over again. Maybe getting a job doing something you think is completely beneath you isn’t a bad thing if its putting money in your pocket.
Go and tell your Dad and Mum your situation !
I agree with birdyful, look at her example.
Go to your parents, they may not be able to just pay everything for you, yet they almost vertainly will offer a roof over your head.
Go and get whatever job you canand start paying down the debt. Stop comparing your life to friends lives, ……… its your life that matters, take actions that exhibit positive control over your finances.
I was 43k in debt in 92, a newly sober crack addict/alcoholoic, it was paid off in 2.5 years.
You are not the only one who feels this way. Tiny steps on the road ahead, stop looking behind you.
I am writing you from my phone so I apologize for the typos, grammatical errors and so on. I am in a very similar situation as far as debt is concerned. My job just feel through right after I put on do much hard work. An 8 year career gone. I was already seeping into monetary depression with a very slim chance at getting out. I have people I love, and who love me but I’m tired of playing life. Work hard just to keep working hard and to lose everything and start over again. Not to take anything from your sorry I just understand. I’m happy I read this because I feel connected to your story and situation. I am actually putting together my plan, good bye videos, and final will now. I have most things completed. I see a small ray of light every so often. Like when I read bird’s post. But I am going to complete this task and mission. Hopefully tonight. I would like to talk to you a bit more, excitedly since I cannot talk to anyone I actually know. If not and out its too late, hope it ask worked out.
I am writing you from my phone so I apologize for the typos, grammatical errors and so on. I am in a very similar situation as far as debt is concerned. My job just feel through right after I put on do much hard work. An 8 year career gone. I was already seeping into monetary depression with a very slim chance at getting out. I have people I love, and who love me but I’m tired of playing life. Work hard just to keep working hard and to lose everything and start over again. Not to take anything from your sorry I just understand. I’m happy I read this because I feel connected to your story and situation. I am actually putting together my plan, good bye videos, and final will now. I have most things completed. I see a small ray of light every so often. Like when I read bird’s post. But I am going to complete this task and mission. Hopefully tonight. I would like to talk to you a bit more, excitedly since I cannot talk to anyone I actually know. If not and out its too late, hope it all worked out.
Blackmist I hope you see a bigger ray of light before you try to end your life…that ray of light flickers on and off all day every day for me….fortunatly for me it is staying on longer today…….I read your post before even reading your comment on my post and for some reason I had a feeling you were describing me in your post…..please send me your email!
kingjericho300@gmail.com and yes today was very interesting. Hope to hear from you soon