Yes I may have diagnosed mental problems. But that does not make my choice to die a wrong or a bad one. I have successfully been able to make it through our warped educational system and be strong enough to maintain a job and support myself except for the years i was jobless and homeless and at present because my salary was cut considerably.
Can a person not of sound mind actually function as such. Because either the standards that you psychs use are off kilter or there is really no normal and it is as false as those ideals of democracy and communism.
There are innocent people whose whole life is pain and people who choose to hurt others every day who live lives with little suffering. And all those in between. Karma is said to be a limiting factor but let’s face it it probably is another excuse for us to stay here and suffer.
Why should I want to keep going through problems in life? Why should I keep struggling and grinding just to get old and die one day anyway. None of this stuff has meaning anyway unless I choose to add it. My family keeps saying if I was married i would be happier.
I was. She cheated. She ran away with my child and when she came back all she wanted was my money. She did not even want me in my own kid’s life. And the courts do not care as long as they get their child support. And then on the day i wanted him with me… his birthday… which is the day before mine.. he died in a car accident because her selfish and evil tail was mad because I would not bow to her whims or stay with her cheating butt those years ago.
Thing was I never wanted kids because I knew that seeing them hurt would destroy me. I never wanted a woman because sex was not a big deal and love was a farce. But listening to my family I tried to be what they saw as normal and got smashed in the process.    Just like they did not believe me about the molestation when I was little.
I do not have the worst pain nor the least. And people on this board have been through way more than me as well as people out in the world. I may become handicapped tomorrow, i may lose my job tomorrow, i may witness another person being hurt some way tomorrow which is way worse than my own pain.
And according to the majority of the world we are just supposed to suck up and accept this. to just keep dealing with it because hey, life is full of ups and downs and that is the ‘beauty’ of it. Because hey if we did not have evil we could not appreciate good. Neither of which exists outside our limited human perception.
For those of you who want to live I will encourage you to do so . For those of you who like me want to end their existence I will only say you have that right but make sure first.
Not saying when, how or where because poor Biscuit got reported. Then again if I did get reported they’d never take me alive… lol… hehheh
My life is not a gift. My life is nothing special. I am just a collection of atoms and molecules that happened to come into being because my parents either did not use protection or it failed. Well they were druggies so it probably was lack of use.
So I am not sick. I am not deranged. I am not mentally incapable of making important decisions.
I am just tired of dealing with the possibilities of random benevolence and malevolence. It is just not enough to go on. Death promises an end to all of it. And that seems the most rational choice for me at this point.
5 comments
I really think you can enjoy life. You can be happy.
BUT alot depends on blind luck and breaks. A life of bad breaks can make even the most sanguine of us despair.
I once said in a 12 step meeting, ………. I just wish one person would tell me its ok for me to kill myself.
The next person which spoke said, …….. Ok, You got my permission to kill yourself.
We ended up becoming friends, I can say this , he was 100% honest with that statement.
You need no ones permission or approval, ……… yet I will say I agree with you and your choice.
My life is much better than lots of other people’s lives. There are probably millions of people, okay, maybe not millions, but a bunch of people that would like to have my life. The only problem for me is that I have just been this “sad” for as long as I can remember and no one has really come and helped me. I thought I found someone but it didn’t work out. So here I am. Killing yourself is your choice. No one has told me that it’s okay that I do it. I just know for myself that it’s my choice.
No will I cannot. Everything has always been empty and the emotions i had were usually fleeting and pointless. But listening to my family I tried to be normal. I tried to fake it. It did not work. I just do not feel what people think I should feel.
@Mitsuko…. so so true
@Caucajun… as always much respect to you.
@mwtele … wish you did not have to have that lingering sadness.
You try to keep things to yourself but when people just constantly pester you about it sometimes in just comes out. And they cannot handle it.