Sitting here at work bored from the tedium. Do not really want to be here. And I know I have hit rock bottom because I am posting from work. All they can do is fire me and although I may not have the funds to go in the method I choose, it will help me to leave earlier.
Have already spoken on certain things on here. But I refuse to take treatement for any ailments. If they cannot cure it then I prefer to let the disease take me out. And death seems to be the cure for life. Because all these years I have just been existing. Feel like my birth was pointless because nothing ever appealed to me except for fantasy. No… I would like to earn a quick billion but that is only to avoid having to get paid crap arbitrary wages for doing real work while some person in middle management who knows bunk about their job gets six figures. And maybe toss half the billion to children’s charities or something.
Even still the billion will not cure me, but it will make the little natural time I have left way more bearable than it is now. My dad , grandad, and uncle got treatment and they still died. All the treatments did is cost them money and keep them in pain. No point in living like that. They way they are booting people from my job I may lose it by downsizing eventually anyway. And of course I’d rather be dead than homeless and starving.  A certain condition will take me out eventually but still I prefer to not be in that condition ever again. Being homeless is worse than words can explain. I should have ended things then , lol.. but I was still brainwashed with hope. And riddled with fear of failure.Â
Only thing worse than life is failing and being either crippled or locked in an asylum where I will have no way to actually end it. but the method I have chosen this time should be surefire. Just sleep and gone. As soon as I can get the setup I’m gone. Sucks that I am going to miss the new anime/games/books.
7 comments
I dunna what to tell you.But if you’re goin to miss new anime or games, maybe you better stay here n try to get them.What’s your disease that it’s so painful?
do u think that there is something u are missing ,
what will happen when you are died
what if there is some hope
dont rush it mate
Something I am missing cannot be had by normal human means.
And nothing the world has to offer will satisfy me.
Which is why i regret the fear that has kept me here so long.
Anime and games are like my alcohol and cigarettes. Or weed and whisky.
Fear was the main thing keeping me here.
But with a method I’ve discovered and certain precautions the fear is gone.
Life has never been worth the trouble to me and I was a fool to think it would improve.
I blame my family for that. I actually believed if I thought positive and worked hard things would get better but they actually got worse and worse.
I’d rather not mention my disease ….. terminal but can be treated….
Be strong UN Owen. There might be more for you out there. It is better to take a long time waiting before committing suicide rather than jumping ship too soon.
In some ways your situation is like mine – except you’ve got a job whereas I can’t get one!! The thing you say about anime/games/books is important. I like games and books too. I hope you’ll extract all the happy experiences you can before you “go to the other side”.
@CJ , thank you for those words but I have lived long enough to know that nothing is left for me but old age and then death. That is another reason I am choosing to go. I am past what I felt was my prime but still burning bright. Prefer to go now rather than fall apart from entropy.
@Trappedlost
I am sorry that you cannot find work. I have been there before and was homeless before I got this current one. That is the sad thing about our world, plenty of resources but those who control them prefer not to share. Except for the dregs and that helps nobody. We could have organic farms, manufacture our own goods.. but I digress.
Thank you for your comments and I will make sure to do so.