Feeling even lower and lower…group sucked today,talking about BPD and mainly about how it affected the people in their lives and how THEY could cope. Also talked about how therapists need help dealing with us psychos. Sorry,if you signed up for that job,you shouldn’t be complaining about how miserable the people who are paying your bills are making you feel.
 I posted on the helium post,I am “testing” a tank and have some questions. if anyone else is familiar with the research,please message me or reply to my post there. No,Im not doing anything at the moment,just research. Though this weekend is going to suck bad,and now I find out that my BF’s parents want us to break up,too. He wont even say anything positive to me anymore.
 I feel like my body is shutting down,however…cant really eat or sleep anymore. I want so badly to not be here anymore.
5 comments
You’re in good company, and not alone….many feel are feeling the pinch these days. Sending good vibes to you. Take care.
I feel EXACTLY the same! I am BPD with Major Depressive Disorder Recurrent and Severe. I feel like there’s no hope and no help for me!! I done everything I can possibly do!!! I just want it to end!! No one can understand that if they’re not living it! Anyone want to chat virginiacancer69@yahoo.com! I wish I was as invisible as I feel!!!!
Hi sunbird, I went back and read your story, I’m not going to lie to you, it was depressing and grim. I’m in a similar place. I live for nothing and I have no-one. I could deal with that actually; but life’s more complicated than that and I’ve somehow stumbled into an animal trap and am waiting for them to come finish me off. I remember reading a little horror story about a guy who was caught in a bear trap and he hacked his leg off to get free. Which is to the point really because I don’t think you need your boyfriend or his freaking family or anyone. They sound like a bunch of maggots. Before you do anything jettison that lot.
I’m interested in the helium method but have become a bit worried about its effectiveness. I don’t wanna mess up. Nor do I want to turn vegetable because as hateful as my life is it’s better than that.
It’s pretty tortuous being alive. I’m short-sighted. A couple of years ago I stopped wearing glasses and lens so I wouldn’t have to see the detail of anything. Now I can look everyone in the face and see nothing of them. Which is about as much as they deserve.
Thanks causeway…Ive eliminated most of my family,if not all,but letting go of my BF would be the death of me,so Im choosing to go before I have to endure even more pain.
I have researched the helium ad nauseum,and tried a practice with a tank and exit bag. Only probs are I cant seem to figure out how to tighten the neck string to fit and keep that measurement once the bag is removed to fill with helium.I also noticed some leakage near the area where the tube was. So I dont know…back to square one I guess.
I am the same way,if i do it,I want to do it right. Not interested in attention or further scrutiny from the medical community.
I did research more on the whole BPD thing,drives me crazy(no pun intended) b/c its mostly resources for the poor woeful families who have to deal with the patients,or resources for therapists who “hate” to treat them. well,if BPD peeps are so painful and annoying,then LET US GO !!!!!!!!
I like your POV of the glasses…I wear contacts,but wouldnt be able to drive w/o them so thats not an option for me.
Yeah, I sort of know why you eliminated your family but don’t you think you have a sort of surrogate thing going on with your bf and his? No point replacing one set of jailers with another and then calling it a choice.
Re the bag, I was planning to try to get a tapered bag and glue and sow an elasticated headband around the entrance hole (haha, entrance hole exit bag). I was also planning to make my hole for the tubing through the headband. At least it will give me something to think about over Christmas, the practicalities of it.
You want the truth – I never met anybody that didn’t have a personality disorder. I’ve sat in offices and jobs and watched people torturing and screwing each other over – for no reason I could discern except that the human species is now sick and regards aggression, cruelty and greed as normal.
I did a year of cognitive therapy and realised at the end of it that I was fit for nothing – it didn’t help me cope or any of that; it made me realise that I am not and never will be equipped for the rubbish that this world throws at me. So I had to make some adjustments just to stay alive in their hell – unfortunately the adjustments were temporary and they have at last given out.