Cutting

I’ve cut for years I’m 19 almost 20 and I started when I was 12. It actually releases a chemical into your body that gives you sort of a natural high or just an “ah I feel better now” kind of feeling when you cut,its how your body works to make pain more bearable. I have always inflicted pretty bad cuts with intent to severely harm my self or end my life but even small ones when I feel I can’t control my emotions help me to calm down in a way. So that’s why I could never stop. But it can definitely get out of hand. Only recently did my boyfriend find me lying in the bathroom covered in blood it was so deep I hit an artery so it was not just pulsating it was shooting/spraying blood. What’s scary was I didn’t know how deep I had cut I only meant for it to be small. So if you cut just as a release when you feel put of control make sure you avoid major vessels and even tendons or ligaments cause I now have chronic pain and lost range of motion from severing a tendon in my wrist. A good solution for that is cutting your thigh,more layers of skin so less chance of hitting large blood vessles and also easier to hide. I don’t endorse cutting cause I know what it leads to (I’m a good example) but I can’t low and say it doesn’t help. Now that I’ve written an entire essay ill shut up Haha I hope I was helpful and I hope you no longer hhve those feelings or maybe they lesson for your sanity’s sake.