Im 20 years old and can not take life any longer. I have a severe un-interest in life.. I grow bored and am growing to feel a hate for the human race itself. I love my family and friends but I just feel I could have coped a couple of thousands of years ago. Just not in this time, with all the needless labels humanity has created for simple personality traits… for example, if your an overly ”shy” person that likes being alone and has the ability to enjoy your own company your ”labeled” as a unsociable freak that needs medication. everything is blown out of proportion by humanity and it makes me sick… we are in fact a disease that needs to go extinct quickly.. we are all sick freaks of nature.
Since I was 9 years of age I have felt we are no better than sheep… we just do what we are told by a  society we created and thats it.. we only overpopulate the planet and are slowly destroying it.. the worst thing to happen to planet earth is humanity.
Sure I admit I have acted at times as if I enjoyed life but I always knew something was missing. Even my love for music and performing cant help me.. even though its the only thing that makes me feel like im living. I have always been a day dreamer and music(the only good thing that humanity was good for) has always helped me feel like I was escaping life.. but its not enough anymore.
I dont feel like I have to be sorry.. after all none of us are asked if we want to be born… why should I need permission to die? Â some cope, some struggle and some just give up playing altogether… we all die eventually anyway. Eternal slumber is a nice thought.. maybe its something I will achieve soon.
11 comments
I’m 21 and I’m almost giving up too.
I like somethings in life, but they are not worth for living.
Alautox: You are free to do as you wish, including kill yourself. No one can stop you. I mean, I guess they can if you tell people you are going to do it and they call the cops and they arrest you on a 5150, but if you keep it to yourself, no one can stop you. If that is what you want to do, it’s your life to end. If you would like to think of ways to improve your outlook, perhaps I can offer you some advice: You do not have to fit into any societal norms. You do not have to be one of the sheep out there. You are free to be who you want to be, as long as you are not hurting anyone else. If you love music and performing, you should perform music. Get an old guitar from a thrift store and teach yourself to play. Get a job at a music store sweeping the floor and play with instruments on your breaks. So what if you are shy. Lots of people are shy. I know people do think there is something wrong with you if you are shy and that is
THEIR problem. Not yours. Be yourself and don’t let anyone tell you that you are a freak. You are a UNIQUE human being and you are probably super smart and that’s why you hate everyone. I hate everyone too. They are complete idiots and make my life a living hell, but that’s what comes with being in the top 2 percentile of intelligence. It sucks. But use your intelligence to better your life, if you have the strength. Good luck to you and stop trying to “fit in”. Fitting in means giving up a part of yourself and it might be the best part of you. Don’t conform!!! Be genuine!!!
This is my first ever comment so bare with me! I remember on the bbc tv series with Brian Cox, “the wonders of the solar system” that the final episode talks about how no matter where we look, we will always return to our own planet, as it is the best wonder, and it really made me think about all the amazing things the human race has acheived. The moon landing, Inventions, technology etc ! And I then thought of the bad things that the human race has done, horrible things, so much horror. Bad things do happen, but that doesn’t mean we should ignore the good things that life gives us!, and not things you SHOULD enjoy but things you DO enjoy! my favourite qoute is “time you enjoy wasting, isn’t wasted time” i dont know perhaps its an excuse because im a lazy person lol!
Look sorry if im going completly off subject, its just my thoughts im saying atm. im only 15, naturally scared about alot of things in life, (like my exams coming up!), and i don’t know what to say or what its like to be 20, 21 yet … , but i DO know that the Sopranos is an amazing boxset! trust me, amazing! oh ,the films reservoir dogs and goodfellas too , if you havn’t seen them you gotta watch them!!
Thanks for taking the time to write that, really appreciate it. Yep I think some people just think too deep.. and I am one of those people.. and it will be the death of me. When I was born apparently the nurse said I would be a thinker because I had my hand on my head.. how right was she. Im too much of a daydreamer to make something of myself, i like everything the easy way but it doesnt work that way.. i know i have talent but lack motivation.. I fuck every opportunity up in my life even though i have a choice.. im not built for life.
@alautox: I can relate a lot with you, so you’re definitely not alone..and what @hbmom above saying is right: being a deep and intelligent people does function like a double-edged sword, it can be both a blessing,.but also as our own curse. Watch the movie Sherlock Holmes 2 if u haven’t..it talks a bit about this (the ‘curse’ of Holmes being such a genius above society’s standards).
There’s a lot of people like us out there though,.but u just have to be Open and willing to seek/find them.
and it might even be heavily related with a Personality Type.
Google: free MBTI test, and then click the 1st link (the online test), and see if u come up with “INFP” personality type too..because that’s usually the ‘minority’ Type who are usually “deep, intelligent, but also lazy/uninterested in the details”…I’m an INFP myself, so that’s why I can relate a lot with everything u said here. trust me.
Also google: ADD/ADHD Type characteristics, bipolar, Indigo, etc.
I know that ironically these are all ‘labels’ too,
but I think it does have a ‘benefit’,.if it can explain ur confusion somewhat of “why you’re different and always alone”,..and also if it can make u feel less lonely, because you’ll find others just like you, similar like-minded people, around the planet.
Try it first..
and I’m also a musician/composer myself, and many said that I have a very “rare, unique” musical talents, and mind as well,
but unfortunately, little these ‘normal, ordinary’ people know,
I’m also a misanthrope (a person who hates humanity/humans)…it’s a pity/sad how I ended up like this..
I read and know too much of this world, life, and humanity..
Perhaps the phrase “Ignorance is bliss” is true after all..I don’t know..
It can be like a curse.. ie: knowing too much of what life (or things) is about.
I think you hit the nail on the head Nikki.. people that think too much in fact know to much about life fir the wrong reasons.. it is a curse.
@alautox: yes it is,..but remember that just as the double-edge sword, when you’re endowed with such a ‘gift’, you can *CHOOSE* also to see, treat, or ‘channel’ it out as a ‘BLESSING’, ie: to share to other ‘less-intelligent, less-unknowing’, and/or ‘ignorant’ majority of human beings/species, and hence creating a better world, for future mankind’s generations.
“What you leave behind is not what is engraved in stone monuments, but what is woven into the lives of others.†– Pericles
“History shows us that the people who end up changing the world – the great political, social, scientific, technological, artistic, even sports revolutionaries – are always nuts, until they are right, and then they are geniuses.†– John Eliot
“Here’s to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes, the ones who see things differently — they’re not fond of rules. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them, but the only thing you can’t do is ignore them because they change things. They push the human race forward, and while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius, because the ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who do.†– Steve Jobs
“Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good” – Romans 12:21
“Do not follow where the path may lead. Go, instead, where there is no path and leave a trail” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
“Life isn’t just about passing on your genes. We can leave behind much more than just DNA. Through speech, music, literature and movies…what we’ve seen, heard, felt…anger, joy and sorrow…these are the things I will pass on. That’s what I live for.” – Solid Snake (Metal Gear Solid 2)
“BE the change you want to see in the world.†– Mahatma Gandhi
I am new to this project. I have to say, all of the post are so well written. I find it hard to add anything.
I have a long list of why I call myself the mentally ill loser. Failure after Failure.
I still look up suicide methods all the time. But now I never find anything new. I guess I could get a phd on suicide now. I just want to take the final. When I am ready to. I feel like telling my ex wife, all of this. But she would call the cops.
Well, seems you have a following Alau?
So maybe you are not as alone as you think you are?
You are obviously well read & intelligent (to a point). But isn’t the purpose of our intelligence to ‘get us through’ this life and all it’s challenges, we all face not just some?
Science has two facets to it – description (ie you mention you have read about all the issues of the world etc) AND THE MOST IMPORTANT, “PRESCRIPTION”. ie what are you & others as an intellient person capable of something more going to do about it?
Giving up in the face of adversity/challenges is not how we came this far. We have courageous doctors/ researchers/nurses/scientists that rather then sit back as you appear to be (and so many others), other are prepared to try and use their given abilities to ‘help’ ease the burdens of others.
Stop wallowing.
BE the change you want to see in the world.†– Mahatma Gandhi
Regards…
AdAstra//