i’ve been picked on my entire life, and I’m sick of it. I’m sick of being told I’m ugly, fat, and untalented. I KNOW! i don’t need you to tell me that I’m undesirable! you dont need to tell me to go kill myself….i already want to.
i just wis someone could see and accept me for who i really am. i’m a 16 year old cutting, impulsive, wild, “fat”, “ugly”, black, bi, metal loving chick. i wish people can just take it as it is and leave it. i’m sick of changing who i am just because people dont like certain parts of me.
i keep telling myself “i dont need anyone in my life” well the truth is, im lonely. im sick of cutting myself off to the world because im afraid. ive always been afraid that a relationship would go too far too quickly again. pervious bf/gf”s have asked me for sex after just days even after ive told them that i dont believe in having sex until im in a very serious (if not married) relationship. IM NOT EASY! i dont put out just because i like you. dont abuse my feelings for you!
i really just want someone in my life who knows what im going through. someone i can love, but also turn to if im ever in a bad spot, or if im having thoughts of doing more than just cutting. i would like to know that if i told them that….that they would still love me, and work through it with me. call it sick-as alot of people have- but i just want a boyfriend or girlfriend that cuts too. that way they already know what im going through and i dont have to lie about what im really feeling. i want to be able to lay down next to them and share our scars and know that he or she wont call me a freak. dont get me wrong, i love my scars and theyre very personal& even intimate. cutting is my own little secret, but i just want someone to share the love with.
5 comments
I can hear your suffering. It’s natural to want love, …….. it’s also natural for people to desire sex. Don’t be too bitter towards former bf/gf’s wanting it. Nature has humans by design wanting sex from puberty. Societies and civilization has us going against with the wait till your older bs.
Yet whats right for you “Is” right for you. Take pride in standing strong and not doing something you just don’t want to do.
There is a reason we are here.
Falk here.
I want to start off saying cutting isn’t good for you. I know you’ve heard this a million times, but im just saying. If you like doing it, I wont try to stop you, but it makes your life that much harder. It seems important to you.
Next up, you’re 16. High School. Everyone in High School is a terrible person. Do NOT expect to find a nice person to be with there. Im not joking, dont get your hopes up. I wish I could tell you its alright, but sometimes it just isn’t.
It wont be this bad forever. It gets better, but only with time.
i love my cutting. i feel like its my own little secret, the one thing im not forced to tell ppl about. it make s me feel outlandish and like a freak and i love it. and i know high skool sucks ass, and “things will get better” but im not living in the future! my pain is right now, and im sick of it.
as far as the sex thing, i just dont feel comfortable exposing my body to someone whos just gunna walk out the door and tell everyone what i looked like naked or if i was a good fuck or not. i want it to be “special” as stupid as that sounds. someone told me that if you wait to do it with just that one person tht it wld feel amazing….but i guess how wld they know, rite
Abstinence is perfectly normal. As a matter of fact, it would be a lot better if everyone was. As for you feeling bad, there isn’t anything that can really help you just like that. One day you’ll find the love of your life and you’ll be glad you made it through the suffering.
Because thats what life does. It likes to mess with you.
::Luna:: (This coming from a 20 year old male in Rhode Island)
What you feel isn’t abnormal at all. However, you are 16. Most people at your age are looking for sex; they don’t actually know what to do, or how to do it, but physically they want to have sex. As a guy, I will personally suggest holding out as long as possible; nothing good comes of having sex in high school. I don’t even remember my first time, I woke up, looked around, and immediately regretted whatever I may have done the night before. I digress.
It seems like your biggest hang ups regard the cutting and sex.
Cutting: Depending on where you are cutting, well, actually anywhere really, cut vertically. No, no, not to kill yourself, but so you don’t sever your tendons like I did. Granted, I was going for broke when I did it, but now my left and right hands, especially my left, are not as strong as they should be, and sometimes won’t close/open correctly because I severed tendons in my forearms. Your muscles run vertically, and will thusly heal properly when cut that way. Just a bit of advice.
Le Sex: Good for you. Don’t give that up. There is seriously no, and I repeat, NO reason to have sex in high school. The rumors, the pressure from then on, the risk of pregnancy/stds, so on and on, there are just too many bad things that could happen, vs the one good thing which is an orgasm. And good luck getting that from a guy in high school.
As stated above, high school is awful. It doesn’t really get easier, but you do get used to it. It is a game, a huge, awful game. And the way to play it, sadly, is by conforming to some extent, and going with the flow. You’ll be upset still, but at least people will start to give you some peace.