People say going to help and speak to others will take your mind off your own death wish and change your perspective.
I have done that. Worked in the soup kitchens, the missions, the childrens hospitals, buying the homeless meals, donating coothing and items, listening to people’s issues in life… especially on SP.
Did not work. Just made life look worse.
All this technology and there is still disease, rape, murder, abuse, molestation, theft, fraud, deceit, war, poverty, racism, sexism ageism, class warfare, nepotism, etc etc.
Ipads, Ipods, Iphones, Macs, PC’s, Northstar, Google Earth, GPS, Automated Weapons, Aircraft, Neural Networks, Exosuits, Computerized toilets, the first real Androids, Cloud, etc.
Ideologies, Religions, Governments, Political Views, Psychiatry, Psychology, Medicine etc…
And it fixes nothing. At least not for too long.Â
It treats, eases, allows coping, changes perspective, pushes acceptance, but it never cures heals and fixes fully.
It is laughable really in an ironic fashion. All this humankind has done and yet we have done nothing to fix problems that have been plaguing us since our inception.Â
And we toil away with small kindnesses not really getting to the root and ending the problem. Just prolonging the suffering.
I know some of you are fine with those ups and downs. And that type of attitude is admirable.
Myself, ifall my problems cannot be fixed for good along with everyone else’s, there is no point in life for me. Then again there never was. Yet the fear of failing has kept me here for a long time. Plus the futility of the hope instilled in me by society.
A coworker shot himself yesterday. Had a similar outlook as I. We had spoken on occasion. I am envious of his courage to take the lethal step. He is now at peace. Rest well dear Robert.
Even someone like you who appeared to others as the epitome of life and joy still wanted to end things. You in my eyes are a true warrior. In a few months I’ll be taking that endless sleep with you my friend.
4 comments
I find it depressing how the best of us become suicides, conspiracy theorists, abductees, homeless, heartbroken and abandoned.
If I had any guts I’d go and join the Occupy movement and explain to them that I simply want to draw courage from them to occupy my own mind and body for as long as I possibly can; and that if they can wring political and economic change from our rotten system of neo-liberal filth, I would certainly try to wring time and courage from myself – to share with them my own achievement.
Owen, I’m happy/understand what your friend Robert did.
Many people do no realize the amount of courage and or level of pain for a human to overide the instinct to live. It can be very difficult to end your own life.
I wish I was in so much pain that I could do it, yet I’m in a situation that suicide is the logical solution to the issue.
I have spent about 2 hours today trying to find an online supplier for a specific item that isn’t sold in the US or very many other countries for that matter. I read where some have actually had it shipped, yet can’t find any supplier.
As with any searching on the net, in time I may just find a source of what I want.
So much of life is so depressing that I can’t stand to even think about it.
Yet here I am, reading these stories, reading the newspaper, watching the news. Only to find myself more depressed.
“If I had any guts I’d go and join the Occupy movement and explain to them that I simply want to draw courage from them to occupy my own mind and body for as long as I possibly can; and that if they can wring political and economic change from our rotten system of neo-liberal filth, I would certainly try to wring time and courage from myself – to share with them my own achievement.”
Completely, totally, utterly agree.
causeway, I had a silly question to ask you, but I don’t want to hijack another post.
sorry to hear that such a great soul is suffering so much U.N.Owen….but i understand…one of my dear friends is dying as we speak…he says i am wonderful because i can be there for him…most people are afraid of death….except for us thinkers….we are afraid of everything…just more afraid of life…imo…i told him the truth is that i am not afraid of death….merely jealous….have shocked a lot of folks with that one….but now thanks to some wonderful souls…i am no longer afraid to live either….this is what if refer to as Grace
truth is i don’t want to talk one soul into staying if they really want to go….i just want them to understand their choice a little better…i know that if it is not their time they will just be unsuccessful anyway…but that if it isn’t their time…they will end up failing as many times as i did…and then have to live in a damaged body….that’s all…
i met a man 10 years ago that was actively trying to end his suffering….he tried everything….lol…i mean everything….the last attempt i know of…he bungee jumped off a bridge with a steel cable around his neck….damn if the cable didn’t break…impossible you say…..he was kinda counting on that….unfortunately he didn’t die….but the fall broke his back…..just saying…poor Jeff last time i heard is no longer able to do himself in without help….and nobody’s offering…and he suffers from the physical pain of his failed attempts….as well as the emotional pain that haunted him his whole life….
Really nice comment on my post btw owen…thank you…and that is exactly my purpose….if i can save one soul the horror of my last 50 years(or several lifetimes really)….then i can rest when i go home again….karma really is a *****
there is no God on a throne there to judge you….even in the end we only judge ourselves….please take some of the suggestions from my post…or not…..it’s your life…you are the captain of your own reality….
Namaste