Yesterday i got my first college acceptance letter, it was a great feeling. i felt happy for moment. i thought about college, how i would have to move. Move even further away from my brothers. I have a 5 younger brothers, a not so stable mother, and a dad who isn’t present so much. When i was about 12 my life when out of control, my mother lost her self, in her depression, drugs. I had to be a mother to my brothers, i loved them more than i can ever say, i raised them and as i sit here i think how i never did a good enough job. i never told them i loved them enough, i never said to them, boys you’ll grow up to be great men. I sit here and think how they’re scattered everywhere, how much hurt they must feel. One of my brothers is in juevinile right now, i dont blame him for being in there. hes had a hard life, he took care of me the best he could, hes only 17 and hes been through hell and back but yet i sit here and cry. i shouldnt cry, i didnt have it nearly as bad as he did. hes so strong and always has been, acouple months ago when we all used to still be together i saw him cry for the first time in a long time. he cried and said how he felt like he failed on being a big brother, cried about how my mom left us. i didnt know what to tell him, he didnt fail i did. i hate myself for even considering killing myself. i have everything i need in this world, my work, school, im going somewhere. but i dont want to go anywhere without those boys. I wish i could protect them from everything, and hold them and tell them i love them, i wish i could take all there suffering. i hurt so badly thinking about them having to go through this. im miles and miles away from them, i want them to know everything i do, i do it for them. why doesn’t god hear me? 🙁 why doesn’t he protect my brothers? im tired of feeling all of this, im tired of this life
2 comments
Hi 🙂
Congratulations on making it to college. You’re doing great, you’ve had a rough life, and still, you’re going somewhere. Give yourself a break, pat yourself on the back.
You’re doing your best, and that’s the best you can do. You’re only human, and still, you’re carrying a heavy weight.
By going to college and pursuing your dreams, you’re already helping your brothers. The separation sounds tough, but just try and keep in touch. College won’t last forever.
You sound like a really good person, and someone should tell you that you’re okay, you’re more than okay.
Take care
This made my day.. Thank you, whoever you are.