I used to be suicidal. I guess I’m not anymore, but I still have thoughts about it. I’m the oldest of four. I had a half brother bt he’s in prison…i call it abandonement. He was the failure to my parents, so they take his mistakes and are always extra careful with me. I can never be my self around them. I always feel like a dirty little ungrateful liar. I hate it.
Everybody tells me I’m so pretty. I look in the mirror everyday and see this pathetic, ugly loser who hides who she is, but doesnt know how to reveal her true self. I cant stand to look in the mirror
None of my friends know what I’m going through. Sure, I have great friends, a great boyfriend, and good grades. But does that reqlly help anything. I went through so much. It started last year. I went throh a harsh breqkup. My ex sort of faked my whole relationship, when I thougt I was in love. I kept getting more and mpre rejection. I was so tired Of trying and getting shut down. Sometimes it still feels that way. I’m bullied constantly. My friends dont know and I dont want them to.
When I was born there was something wrong with my stomach. I had to have an operation done. If that opperation was done any laer, I would’ve died. It left a few scars. Every day I walk around with my stomached sucked in to look like my friends. The scar that saved my life is also getting me called fat, ugly, and weird. I only swim with one qrm. The other arm is ALWAYS covering my stomah. I’ve been Pointed at and laughed at so many times. I try to believe it when people tell me nobody cares, but I cant bring myself to do it. I hate the way I look. I just dont know how to feel happy about all Of this.
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The irony is you’re looking at all these people making fun of you perhaps wishing you were more like them and feeling more normal. Everyone has the opportunity to exercise compassion, but out of sheer ignorance that is all they know how to do. I pity these people and you show incredible bravery and courage for carrying on. Remember…it’s like when children say to each other…”I know you are, but what am I”?…Let it bounce off you, because anything negative anyone says about anyone else through mocking is truly a reflection on their own insecurities and fears. Know this! Knowing this allows you to not have to take on anyone else crap. Then you can cultivate some self esteem, and think well of yourself…and tell these people to stick it up their arse. You needn’t get mad, just calm, cool, and collected.
There are a lot of clips on youtube titled Homecoming, by a guy who’s pioneered family systems theory..his name is John Bradshaw. I’d educate myself if I were you as to why your family dynamic is why it is, and where you fit in the mix. Keep your head up, move with the strength you have inside yourself, for yourself and allow no one to hurt you or be self conscious. You have every right to be alive, as much if not more than anyone.
Take care.
Thank you this helped so much I feel a bit more free and happy.
Y care? these people that make fun of u dont matter. u are u and there is no point trying to change urself for a bunch of neaderthols(or however its ment to be spelt) let urself be seen by everyone both ur good and bad with no distinction let everyone see that u accept who u are wholey and completely and they will except u too. obviously in order to do this u need to come to terms with the scar and see it in a positive way as something beautiful not something to be ashamed of
Thanks for the appreciation. That’s huge.
You’re probably one of the most helpful people on here. And I really do sincerely thank you.