Today Daddy Tried Suicide again

  December 12th, 2011 by faithhopelove

I figured it might help to put something into words what I might be feeling as i got the bad news. i was thinking how bad could things be for him to want to die. the pills and the bridge just as last time. the cops caught him because the pills made him too weak to jump. the last time he was too afraid to jump. he said afterwards he felt really bad how he hurt the family and scared us so badly. i wish he had courage, hope, faith and love so that he would wait around to see the good things in life and what he was purposed for. i prayed because that’s all I could do really. trying to convince someone that things arent that bad is useless if they don’t want to believe it themselves. he has had years of negativity and depression and giving into his own thought pattern. i wonder if years of being an alcoholic (now sober) took a toll on his brain. he has a job, a family, grandkids, can walk and talk and breathe and no real health problems other than back and feet pain. I remember a psychologist tearing up every time he told someone his dad committed suicide when he was little. he had wished that his dad lived if only for the sake of his child. i think if people knew that had more options than just the one bad one of leaving us here alone to miss them and wish we had done something to prevent it. I’m glad that I have someone to cling to every day even when things are bad. I call out to Jesus because I know he can heal, restore, deliver, give peace, give new hope and put faith in me when I lose faith. He helps me see others and life in a whole new way. I guess he causes me to be grateful for even the small things. I prayed for my dad to know Jesus so he can feel love and peace and never want to leave this earth because he can help other people and show them love. if you knew the way i was raised you would say how could she love and forgive her father? Jesus changed my heart from bitterness to love..from hurting to healing…to want to make my life count for something good. I guess when i realized how much Jesus loved me because he gave his life on the cross for me then I knew I had value (worth) to start living my life with purpose, faith, hope and love. One day i will live forever with Jesus in heaven and oh the joy on that day but until then i will choose to see the beauty in each day whether it be a butterfly, sunrise, a smile, laughter, my heart beating, music, walking, having two arms and legs, being able to give a compliment or kind word, my glass of orange juice or cup of coffee, running water, etc. I’m just a little sad that somewhere along the line my daddy has lost hope and forgotten to look around at what he has and what is beautiful about him and to him. I’m asking God to give him light and life back that he would not think of his burdens but think of all his blessings or things he has not lost. I love him sooooo much.

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