i was supposed to be spending the holidays with Charlie this year. or at least i thought i was going to. and it was going to be the first time i might’ve been happy during this time. but no of course not. just as always and expected, FATE had to step in, like he always does. it had to rip from me the first ever true love from me. and then leave me to rot. and now I’ve been condemned to a life i was trying to escape finally.
so i’m seriously considering doing this year. I’ll just get into a nice hot and relaxing tub and just slice away. and considering its Christmas time, I’ll paint my razor green. the red will come from my blood. i have nothing to live for. and enough failure to last me a life time. why fucking stick around anymore.
in this life, i am nothing but a shadow. so one sees me. no one cares. i have great friends that I’ll never see in person. no job, can’t drive, can’t afford any kind of schooling. i am nothing. I’m just taking up oxygen and space and food. i just don;t want to be alive anymore.
1 comment
Dear JB, I’m so sorry you’re experiencing heart-break. I’ve had my share. I’ve felt so lonely at times that I wanted to die. But I learned that it’s not the end of the world. And it’s not the end for you. And you ARE NOT a shadow because God loves you more than you can ever imagine. And He cares. I care. I wouldn’t be writing this if I didn’t care even though I don’t know you. So here’s my big electronic hug to you JB — 🙂 Please don’t end the one and only life you have before you’ve made an effort to find out just how much God loves you. And He wants you to live. I want you to live!!!!! I will be praying for you.