No matter how much you try..whether work or just being nice..doing everything yourself and you still get thrown out. Everyone wants money..if I could pull it out my ass than I would. I just wanted a home, food and someone to love and love me back. Ive never bought anything on my own. Just paid off 1 vehicle and paid half of one house off..and finished paying off my ex hubbys house. Moved away from the abuse and now well..just say its getting worse. Im not allowed to talk about it. I’m not allowed to have fun. I’m not allowed to do anything but be sad while everyone around me laughs and says leave. Everyone wants me out of their life’s..ill leave and I hope everyone goes to hell cause its exactly the way ive been treated here. Ive tried to be positive, ive tried to be happy. Its not working..ive been praying and ive realized that no one is ever going to be nice. They just want you to see how much they can get out of you. Ill live alone again. Ill be in heaven and when ever they come to me for help, ill just turn my head because that’s how they’ve treated me.

Yea, I always have been the one to pay off everything. I paid for half a house alone with 2 kids. I got married cause he promised to take care of me when I got pregnant..he had me move. Never got any money from that. So I lived in a house that I really didn’t like..I paid off that house..got it fixed up a little, windows etc. It was in my ex hubbys name. My ex cheated and beat me. He was just using me for money..never once did he take us out. I left the abuse. Im taking care of my kids with help from the goverñment. I don’t have a home..I have a car that’s fallen apart. I cant do everything on my own. There’s insurance, house payments, food, electric, water. I lived without a phone for 5 years. I had no one to call. I just worked to pay the bills. I’m expected to do everything myself. I cant do it anymore. I will not do it anymore. I’m told to do this, I’m told to do that..ive done it and now I’m done with life. I love my kids. Ive been doing everything I can for them..ive had something said to me today that I was told I couldn’t talk about. Ive had men treat me like shit all my life. I would much rather die now than go through more pain. My kids need me. I’m there for them. I will never love anyone other than them. I think id rather die than be treated this way again and again. I would shoot myself if I didn’t have kids. I don’t think I’m a bad person..I think ive been beaten till I cant breathe anymore though. I don’t know decent people..I thought they were good but anyone that gets near me turns bad. They say mean things so if I wasn’t here..it would be better. I wont write anymore on here cause I know its just going right back to the people that treat me bad..even the ones that think there helping, there not..so I’m alone..ill always be.

Thank you, I’m sure you are kind hearted. ive learned there is nothing in this world that I want other than love and ive yet to find it. I’m sure there is good people somewhere..just ready to be happy..think I need some meds even though I don’t like them and ive never been diagnosed that I needed them but not sure if I should grab a bottle of alcohol or some pills. I just don’t want to think anymore..want the pain to go away. Want someone to appreciate me for things I do. Treat me kind, like ive treated them..its what your suppose to do but no…paying it forward doesn’t work. Its called being used, being abused. Working for nothing but a hole in the ground. I’m surprised I don’t have cancer..everyone that’s kind and loving gets some illness..ive not been mean..ive helped till I’m just exhausted from helping everyone. The same people I help throws me out..I’m wrong no matter what..raped! I don’t care if anyone I know reads what I write. Ive told nothing but the truth.