I am finished with the world.
I am on the verge of losing everything I fought hard for. It’s just a matter of when. Things are never going to be the same, only worse. Â My very livelihood is at stake. I’ve been through so much trauma in my life, being homeless is not something I can take–not after all of my hard work and dedication to try to prevent a situation like this. All of that hard work failed. I will have to start at -1, not knowing if my efforts will prove worthwhile. I’m no longer interested in slaving away in this world, only to be beat down and spit out. I don’t have the strength, and quite frankly I’m tired of playing this sick game called Life. Tired of this existence. I’ve tried to play fair, be a “good person”, to no avail. I have found love–the love of my life–in all of this, and that’s all I can ask for. Hell, that’s all I ever really wanted. I can exit more peacefully now knowing I was able to enjoy time with the love of my life but I can’t leave them to face the disaster alone. They will be effected, and they will not be able to handle the impeding doom alone. The way out is to exit together. We may not be in control of our circumstances, but we are in control of whether or not we choose to escape before the sh*t hits the fan. I wish I could go in more detail, but it’s very complicated and is full of utter misfortune that I have no control over. I accept I have no control, so now I wish to exit.
3 comments
Hello Anomalous,
One more try….does this love of yours know how you feel?….is death their choice as well?….is there any coercion on either of your parts?…and seriously…stuff is just stuff…i should know….haven’t got any left….
Me, I have found love….but only recently started to be able to accept the responsibility that comes with the gift….unconditional love…real love…hard won for sure…but man I’m 50. I love this man so unconditionally…that when he called 2 weeks ago to tell me he was going home to die….i didn’t try to talk him into it or out of it…I told him that it would be hard to deal with losing him….but that I would deal….I told him that it would be hard to continue to watch him live in pain….but I could do that too….and in the end I offered to help him….NO MATTER WHAT HE CHOSE. And I extend the same sort of unconditional love to you….not here to talk you into or out of anything….just to listen…to share if I might….to help if I can….but here. Use me if you have any use for me. If not know this
It was perfect, it is perfect, it will be perfect….as you are perfect
Love
Amakua
@Amakua
That’s Beautiful man. I hope both of you are doing okay and getting through this.
@Anomalous
Maybe you should tell your love about these feelings. Be firm about what you’re going through and how it effects you. Even if in the worst case it does end with, well, the end. You did what you could to make him/her understand.
Thank you both for responding. I have shared my pain with my love, and I told him that exiting could be our way out. He is conflicted as well, and he does not wish to end it. I will die alone.