End of my rope

I’m old, at least I feel old compared to other entries I have read. Over 40, but my life has been empty since I was 16, I was ignored and neglected by my family. My mother died just before I turned 24, leaving me to try and raise a 9 year old half-sister whose father was an abusive alcoholic who used to beat me, threatened my life and even and threw glass liquor bottles at me. Though I was trying to protect her from that, she hated me for it, and wanted to live with her daddy. She got her wish when she turned 12, the last time I saw her was our grandfather’s funereal in 1997. After that my health declined, diabetes, not the usual kind, I wasn’t overweight or anything but it snuck up on me, never knew anything was wrong until the nerve damage started. Now here I am at 42, no friends, no family, no future and I can’t justify just waiting around to die anyway when I am so alone and so lonely. The only thing stopping me is my fear of death itself, and that is slowly losing out to the pointlessness of staying around and desire for it all to just be over and done with.