So yeah, I don’t even know what I’m on about. I don’t even know why I’m writing this but yeah, I’ve decided to write whatever I was about to write. See? I’m quite confusing. I don’t know who I am, I don’t even know what I want cause.. I don’t know.
Anyways, straight to the point. My family is quite screwed up. Dad and mum divorced since I was 8. Since then, I had no time from him at all, I mean it. He started a new family with the woman he cheated on my mum with. She also moved in with her own daughter. Her daughter is my age and we had to share room. I’ve always felt like she had my dad’s attention all the time. She’d get everything from my dad. My mum? yeah, I lived with my mum too. I mean, I was moving around all the time. Been doing this for YEARS. She was my best friend until she found her man and gave birth to my half brother. She started giving him more attention and all. I understood that he was young and needed more attention, but it would of been better if I had ONE of my parents? at that point, I was bullied in school and all. Yeah, I’ve been standing strong.
A few years later from then, my step mum gave birth to my half sister. Yeah, worse. I was happy to have a little sister, but again, I felt more left out. As my brother grew up, mum started going out, coming home late and drunk. She shouted at me and she’d call me a stupid ***** and all although my grades weren’t quite bad.. yet. I felt like I was in between two families and that’s when I started thinking of suicide. It was 2 years ago. First, I thought of ways to die and I’ve come up with many ways, believe me.
Now, I’ve got friends and everything but that doesn’t stop me from suicidal thoughts. My friends are quite worried since I’ve been depressed for months. I’ve never really had fun or enjoyed myself. My REAL friends don’t go to the same school as I do, though. I’ve got people I hang out with in school, apparently, we’re ‘best’ friends, yeah, they talk behind my back because they’re against me partying. They don’t even care about ME, they think of ways to find out if I’ve ever lied to them or not. They’d live happily without me for sure. In fact, everyone will be find just without me. I currently cry almost every night and sometimes, I grab a knife from my kitchen.. I haven’t done anything yet, but I love holding the knife.
Sorry if I ain’t clear. Like I said before, I’m confusing.
1 comment
Your REAL friends would miss you dearly.
And since you do have them that is good to have a support group.
As far as the school friends you might want to find a way to distance yourself and find some new associates with which you have more in common.
And it seems as if you and your original parents might benefit by going to family counseling. Since you have lived with both and been neglected and verbally abused they might also need someone to help them to relate to and care for you better.
You seem to know who you are.
It is others who are treating you wrongly.