at least in the sense that I’m no longer worrying about the future. I’ve decided to give up on myself, my species, everything really. I’m not emotionally attached to anything, have trouble connecting; this isn’t worth all the effort. People aren’t worth all this.
So I’m definitely going to kill myself and I know how, but the date is a ways away. I want to build up my little brother first; spoil him and pay attention to him the way no one did me when I was his age. He’s about to be hit by puberty and I think I can provide some guidance to help him along the path. High school is treacherous; life through a childs eyes is daunting and I want to help relieve that because I know how meaningless it all is.
Meanwhile, I’ll work full time and only spend money on food and green as I have been; now I’ll have a use for the money I’ve been saving. When he’s older, I’ll give him all my money; that’ll be the last thing I think. When I see that he’s got the beginnings of a life forming and that he’s able to handle the pressures of life without my guidance, I’ll give him all my money then kill myself.
My brothers the only one I have any feeling for; he’s the best person I know. The only one worthy of my time and full effort.I hate myself and humanity but I love my little brother. Ha, I’ve started to cry a little; that’s nice.
I must truly be happy, relieved that I don’t have to care anymore; I’m not long for this world. I’ve been in a drug induced haze for the last 3 years and I don’t see it being a problem to live out the rest of my life the same way.
My 10 year plan is to save up a nice little nest egg for my brother, impart all my wisdom to him, then off myself. 10 years absolute maximum that I’m giving myself. If I’m not brutally murdered or caught on the wrong side of mother nature between that time of course.
Happiness
4 comments
Your sentiment for your bother is to be admired. I pass on my kudo’s & congrat’s.
That said, if you are genuinely considering off’ing yourself vs bettering yourself, then i would suggest don’t pass on your “perceived wisdom” to your young brother and ‘taint’ him with a nihilists viewpoint of life. If ‘your so called wisdom’ hasn’t elped you, why would it help him?
There are two kinds of knowledge (and perceptions). There is productive knowledge (perceptions) and unproductive knowledge (perceptions).
Please don’t confuse all thinking as good thinking. That is rare.
I wish you well otherwise in helping your brother (and maybe you) better himself.
good luck my friend,
your brother is lucky to have some1 like you .. to care for him,
*to care … it’s so simple …
It’s nice to know you care so much about your brother. I’m sure he really appreciates it and he will benefit from it.
People are worth it. People are beautiful. It’s no necessarily those you know – there are people out there who are worth everything. You might never meet them; but they need you. They’re living in poverty we can’t even begin to imagine, and they need us.
How anyone can ever overlook them is beyond me.