I bought all the stuff for two methods yesterday. Â It’s sitting in the car outside. Now I clean, and try to write casual loving notes to the people who will miss me. Â I don’t feel lost. . or anxious. Â I downloaded my favorite movie to watch. Â I feel calm. Â just a lot to do today, so that things are as in order as they can be. . I would love for the authorities to find me, and not someone I care about. . but haven’t figured that part out yet. Â workin on it. Â The sense of relief I feel. . knowing that I will never experience this pain again. and the pain I cause others by leaving, is the LAST pain I will ever cause them. Â It feels like the right thing to do. Â i’m grateful for the opportunity.
3 comments
chilling, in a good way lol what if after you watch the movie, you get the desire to watch another? im assuming youll end yourself after the movie. but i always find that a really good movie relieves my sadness for a little. my own memories temporarily replaced by movie scenes. anyway, good luck chum. it seems like trying to talk you out of suicide would be the same as trying to convince a north korean tourist in NYC to go home. i dont know your life but i assume it’s become a type of hell dimension.
I hope I feel that calm myself when I arrange for my multiple methods and get that close to my own death. My notes will say only that I am leaving never to come back and it is nobody’s choice or influence but my own.
I applaud you for the strength, grace, calm, and fortitude you are showing and only hope I can be so able.
Wishing you a peaceful end to all your pain.
If you want the authorities to find you instead of someone else looking at using a sceduled phone call/txt/status/update system. I know that is the one thing I don’t want to do either, I’ve seen a body, and it sucks.