I cannot blame her.for what she did. Any normal person would have done so. And I did not get locked up for it so it was not too bad. But she was rather sneaky with it. She invited me to dinner supposedly with someone she wanted to ‘fix me up with”. Course I told her my interest in that waned years ago. Still she insisted that at least give the woman a chance because supposedly she was into a lot of the things I was.
Went to dinner earlier this week and it went okay, Her ‘friend’ asked a lot of questions. I should have seen it for what it was then. There was a whiff of danger there but since my mind was elsewhere I waved it off. Turns out the friend was a therapist. And she was asking questions to see where my mind was. Nothing direct mind you but more so things concerning philosophy on life and similar things.
Since my friend is somewhat a woman of intellectual passions and mental depth I figured they were just similar in mien. but she slipped up. It might have been the wine they were having. We got to talking about the 80’s superman movies. And I said what a shame it was that a man whose role was that of someone who was invulnerable ended up being immobile because of an accident involving a horse competition. And how hard it must of been for him to be in that condition.
And so she said, “I guess some people would have thought that he would have been better of dying from the accident than living around his loving family.” Now had her tone and inflection been any different I still would have ignored th warning signs. But that was spot on towards me. So I excused my self and got up to leave. My friend then ran and stopped me, explained who the woman was and apologized. She said she thought she could take it but she could not stop thinking about it.
I hugged her, told her I was fine and harbored no anger towards her. And so now i’ll have to put back on the facade for one more person. Of course she knows, but as many of you know friends and family are so grateful to see that you seem happy they forget that you told them that you wanted to die.
Moral: I’m a moron for ever thinking anyone outside a site like this would understand and hold my secret.
3 comments
Not a moron. Just hopeful. It happens. For what it’s worth, I’m sorry.
When you responded to my posts earlier in the week…I liked the back and forth, and appreciated your position. It is never wise to try to influence someone else’ thoughts or attitudes.
Clearly those issues lie with her and have no bearing on the courage you display. Many self proclaimed therapists hide behind their so called intelligence and education about things but when it’s your actual existence and life on the line, the whole deal takes a different turn. Good for you for sticking to what you know is best for you. I’d love a chat with her…I’d fix her wagon pretty quick. Projection from other people gets boring after a while. Unconditional love is the key. Best to have interacted with you like a completely normal and dignified individual. Cheers!
Im with you un owen about keeping sp to myself all it got me was a double dose of meds from my shrink …dont think i will bring it up again.what your friend did was sneaky and ive got to say i wouldnt be too happy about it either….