Hating who you are :(

Yeah I hate who I am completely now.
I’m insecure about my weight I’m 14 and last time I weighed myself (6 months ago) I weighed 124 lbs. and im 5’4 is that fat? I think Ive become anorexic because i limit myself to 1 meal a day and I starve myself as punishment.
My self-esteem is so low even though it was so high. Ive made it a hobby to compare myself to my girlfriends ex’s it’s torture but what can I say.
My stupid social anxiety is what I hate the most though >:( its gets in the way and I’ve told my mom by I doubt she believes me. It affects everything I do and I live in complete fear of speaking outloud to the point where I can’t give a person a simple hug without having an anxiety attack.
Another thing is that I am afraid of myself no joke though. I’m afraid that if I show people the real “silent” that they won’t except me for who I am.
I hate myself and my personality completely and that’s not healthy 🙁 i try not to be depressed about it