No ideas how to call this post.. My little happy Diary :)

What a sunny day today.. -30 i guess, but sun is shinning..so nice. To my eyes :]

Yesterday a girl jumped from a third floor .. suicider.. and she jut stood up 😀 ! a little bit crashed face, but overall – no damage! can You imagine?! It’s not ment to be !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it was hard to believe ! Like we say 1:0 we win against God. SHE’S JUST LUCKY ASS. Hope it will make her realise that she just have to live.

I was laying after my shift in ambulance in bed and realised very cruel truth., I came back to the same place i’ve been before a few years.  I feel .. lonely. At its totally my own fault.

I was working so hard all the time that im half year i lost all of my friends.. Well, my real two friends were always by my side, but others just disappear. And it’s my fault. In university i was popular, i had million friends, parties, meetings, trips.. Now everything is totally over. well i don’t have so much energy after 24 h job.. anyway, i feel bad about it.

And not only job took them out. My bf. We have relationship in a distance so each free minute i was running home to skype, each free minute.. Nights & days. And when he’s out these days i realised i have nothing to do with my life anymore!

So i printed a very big book about Budhism, wanna go deeper to my religion in a free time.. But it’s not enough.. So i called to my friend and we gonna go for a beer to talk.. Then i will go home and i will get drunk to death.

Need to drown all of my bad memories from job, trips, love, friends and so on. My friend will come to drink with me. We will just sit and will go over it. Sounds fun ! Ah come on, i have all rights to get drunk..

i miss my boyfriend and i love him, but life just don’t let us be together for now.

This morning i was making pregnancy test! Negative. One moment i felt so sad.. I want a baby. It’s straight way to create new life and i can’t wait to do it! Now i have many breaks in my country.. Baby is my ticket out of this shit. :] And it’s perfect time for a baby: im 24 years, i have good payment, i have all freedom and my boyfriend has the biggest wish to have it. But.. i wanna travel, so not now..

Anyway, how i could lose all of my friends in half year? Only after 6 months i have really free schedule for February. Sitting and doing nothing. Hate it !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I wanna go, do.. So i will start getting back them tonight.. But my friend has a gf, so she will start to be jealous and she will blame him that im his lover and he will be off again.. :SSSS HATE GIRLS FOR THAT ! i told him “ey,come on, You know that i’m not Your female-friend, im Your buddy”. . .

Women never understands such friendships. Usually men don’t also.

So i’m not gonna cry like many people here how fucked up my life is, because i create it and i will start today., Spring is coming.

And after vacation only one person died on my hands in job, so it’s a bright time 😀

and it’s my little diary. I’m sorry.. But i really not in that mood to create blog or another diary page.. :]

kisses to all ! :*