Sometimes you just feel weak…

We all have those days where no matter what, we just feel empty and weak. Today, for me, was one of those days. It was odd, too, because it had started off a pretty good day. I had the music on that made me feel good, and classes were going well and so forth. When I get home, it seems like some indescribable pressure arrived (probably because with some school work, I tend to procrastinate..ha!) anyways, later on today I get a call from my dad. He had told me about how he had picked my eighth grade brother up from school today and keep in mind, normally, he isn’t the first one out of school, because he has to have his social time, and so forth. Anyways, so today, my brother was the first one out of school, which sturck my dad as odd. My brother gets in the car, and my dad looks at him and can see the swelling of tears in his eyes and to that he says “what the hell happened?” and to that, my brother had no immediate response. My dad repeated himself, and then finally my brother had explained to him that there were these five boys who had notoriously been picking on him; making fun of him for doing homework, remarks like “why are you listening to that shit” or “what the fuck? are you stupid or something” whenever my brother was listening to music and doing homework. It made me extremely sad, being the older sister, and protective, I never want to see my little brother going through shit like that, and it made me super upset. I’m far away, going to school, so I felt helpless, in a sense, that I couldn’t help him out. I cried, which I haven’t done for quite awhile, despite all of the challenges I have gone through within the past 6 months, it’s incredible how much a person can go through, and withstand, before they “break”. Well, the thing is, I’m very strong, but when people are messing with my family directly, or my friends, that’s when I get involved, and very irritated. Anyways, so that was a rant. Alongside that, I had been thinking today as I was going on a run (the time when I mostly get a lot of my great thoughts generated) that there is a teacher at my school, who has cancer, and is going through treatment. She has lost all of her hair, and her skin is getting paler and paler every day. She’s the nicest lady I think I have ever met, and she doesn’t let her struggle get the best of her, she’s truly inspirational, to say the least. So, as I was running, it had occured to me that there are so many people around the world that are dealing with diseases that take away their abilities to grow and maintain hair. So, my friend had shaved her head, and I was thinking “well, if she can do it, so can I!” and, regardless of if I were to do it now, I had full intentions on shaving my head sometime before I died, so, why not now? Might as well shave it off when I’m young, and have it grow back, versus when I’m older and those things are harder to get back. So, the date is set: February 25th, I’m shaving my head and donating my hair to Locks of Love, an organization that makes wigs with real hair, for people like my teacher, who can’t grow their hair naturally. Aside from that idea, and recent drive, I was thinking about a future speech that I have to give for a class. It needs to be a 10-15 minute informative or persuasive speech. My topic: suicide. I knew this website would be the best thing for me to join, for one, because I’m a clinical psychology major, and I want nothing more then to offer my guidance and support to all of you out there, in hopes of helping and creating new relationships, and, to hear your stories and hopefully be able to inform the public about an issue that they have so ignorantly shied away from. So, my fellow readers, I am asking for your help. Please, if you are comfortable with sharing your stories, struggles, thoughts, comments suggestions, rants, raves, whatever the case may be, to help me, you, and us, inform people about the ongoing issues and daily struggles that we all face, send me an email at amanda_paris333@hotmail.com. I would appreciate it tremendously. I’m going to leave you with a bit of advice for today, Wednesday February 1st: Sometimes you may feel like an ant on a mountain in a country so big, where individualty is scarce and knowledge is conformity. When you’re surrounded by so many faces, but yet, feel so alone; faces that are hard, hearts that are broken, magical minds, friends and enemies, are all among you; dominant race, or no race at all. Minds that have concluded a future, those undecided; ones here for the moment or those here for the ride. Many faces you can’t always change, some difficult, some hesitant, some ignorant. There you stand alone in a frozen blur called reality; feeling time as if it never moved; as if every day were the same. But, my friends, every day is not the same, in fact, it’s quite different. Even if you go about them in the same fashion, from hour to hour, they are, indeed, different. Take each day and think about it in this light: it’s one more day that you are here, on earth, breathing, another day to be able to look outside and see all the life there is and how the sunlight radiates off of these elements of life. It is, truly, a beautiful thing, even amidst our darkest days, there is some sort of light. I hope you all are having a good night/day/afternoon wherever you are, and like I had said above, if any of you feel comfortable and compelled to send me an email with your thoughts, stories or whatever, to help me help us inform people all around us about an ongoing epidemic, we will break through this together. Thanks for your suppport!

Amanda