I hate being here. Lately, well since summer, i just been waiting to die. kill myself. Im now a senior in high school, but i just dont want to keep living anymore. im so tired of it all. The only thing that stops me is the pain of doing it. I get bullied almost everyday. People call me ugly. I have never in my 18 years of living had a boyfriend because every guy i want rejects me. I even lower my standards and i still get rejected. i never had my first kiss or anything. But this isn’t the reason why i want to die, this is just half the reason. I just don’t see the point of living. Im shy, nobody likes me. I just have low-self esteem. Â i just can’t explain it. Im thinking about killing myself this week. i just dont care no more. About anything. I try so hard to act happy, but i cover it up a lot. I think im about to just overdose tonight, and drink a lot of beer. i just hate myself.
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I don’t know if this any consolation, and it probably sounds like bullshit to you, but you’re not alone. I’m struggling alongside you. I hate myself; I don’t know why, it’s as much a fact of life as the sky being blue. I thought that my future was blank, that I was doomed to simply disappear before my life really got started.
But maybe it doesn’t have to be that way. Maybe there’s hope. Maybe – probably, in fact – there is someone, among the many people you know, who likes you. Maybe it’s possible to like yourself, even if it’s a long, painful process. Maybe this internet stranger doesn’t want you to kill yourself, because your death would terribly sadden her.
And if you kill yourself, you’ll never get your first kiss.