Reading your message, I could have written it myself, almost word for word. I’m so sorry that you’re in so much pain too. My head has also been in a terrible place for the past few days and I’ve been having a hard time shaking it off. Maybe together we can get through this awful time. I wrote to the Samaritans yesterday: “I’m disgusted in myself that I love such a man. That I gave so much of myself and so many years of my life to this man. That my children have such a man for a father. I feel humiliated.” I have many times wished I could rip out the part of me that cares about him, because he only cares about himself. The woman he ran to is a *bleep* from craigslist who welcomed married men. When I first asked why she was messaging my husband she lied to me and said her account was hacked. Months later when I discovered that he had been cheating on me all along, I asked her to please do the decent thing for the sake of his family and leave him alone, but she just laughed at me. Everything I said to that woman, she just laughed at me, and of course, kept taking him away from his family time after time. I too hate that I believed him, I should have known better because all he does is lie and play me for a fool. He had left her, supposedly for good in November and it took help from the police to do it. He made the kids and I believe that he was sorry, that he was changing for the better, that he was making up for the horrible things he’d done to us… and then Tuesday morning he left and Tuesday night he was in her bed yet again. He said just last week that she treated him like crap and I treat him like a king, but obviously he wants the crap. Maybe yours does too. I’m finding it so hard not to feel down on myself when he left me for such a vile woman, and maybe you’re feeling like that too? But the truth is, they’re the ones who have done this, because they are selfish and uncaring. They may say the most wonderful things, but the truth is in their actions. They love only themselves. Right now we’re in a world of hurt, but I think (hope) that once there’s a bit of distance we’ll be able to look at it with clearer eyes and see how very toxic these people have been in our lives. We just have to get through this to that place, and it’s so very overwhelming at times.