You know that girl in class that is really outgoing and sarcastic once you get to know her… the one that the teachers all love for bringing personality to the classroom. The girl teachers and other students constantly say “Oh and that is why i love you…” because of something she says. The girl that was born bright and likes understanding things. The girl that, in 4th grade, was asked to grade papers all the time because she finished all her work and had nothing to do. The girl that smiles all the time and loves making others smile and laugh. The girl that walks around after school catching up with old teachers or hanging out with friends. The girl you would think is so happy. But one perfect looking girl can hide so much. Bet you couldn’t guess that same girl doesn’t talk at home, scared of being judged and getting hurt even more. She cries herself to sleep because she will never be good enough, because SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH HER. She has a stash of razors in her room, for when she needs relief. She starves for days, craving control, dreaming of perfection. But nothing will ever make her skinny enough, or pretty enough. She makes herself throw up to expel her past and feel pure once again. She is fooling everyone, no one knows that everyday she considers ending her own life. Her family fell apart and her parents try to control the family she talks to. She is angry and frustrated but was never taught how to show emotion. She has fallen apart…
next time, think twice before you wish you had someone else’s life. even if it appears perfect. you never know how good someone is at pretending… I know… because I am this girl.
But, for all who are wondering… I am doing good at blocking out what makes me most unhappy, most suicidal and unhealthy. The problem is, this means blocking out my own parents and a few of my sisters. They don’t understand, other people don’t understand, but I still do it. Slowly, it is helping me recover.
3 comments
i agree people should really think before they wish they had someone elses life because they really don’t know what that person is going through. i think you are very strong though since you are trying really hard to block out all these negative thoughts even though your going through hard times. you don’t have to be skinny or pretty you just have to accept you for you, and have confidence. if you ever want to e-mail me you can at danielle16yeah at gmail .com
I’m glad you are recovering… and your post makes an important point: Don’t wish you were in someone else’s shoes if you’re not walking in them. We have no idea what’s going on within a person… and what seems organized and perfect on the outside could really be a series of challenges on the inside.
I did want to comment on the blocking… just be careful doing so. From experience, I can tell you that it gets tougher to block things out over a period of time… and sometimes the blocked people or events come back stronger because we were blocking instead of figuring out how to cope.
billions of people in the world. I’m positive you’re not the only person in the world with those kinda problems. A lot of people can understand you. Lots of people don’t like their parents or siblings. I didn’t like mine either when I was a kid. Then I grew up and realized what good parents they actually were. Once you live to be their age then perhaps you can understand what they are going through and dealing with in life. They have stress and depression too as most normal adults do. not being mean but try taking more time to understand your families problems too and help out when you can. maybe they’ll return the favor.