Once again my head is spinning with thousands thoughts, but when i sit to write them down my mind goes blank.
I dont know how to write how i feel caus i dont really feel anything. Either nothing or pain.
I dont want to live anymore. i have known this my entire life. i want death. And if theres nothing after life thats even beter. i know i want to do this, then why is it so fucking hard to go through with it.
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hi christina… what’s going on?
Im still alive, which fucking sucks.
From a previous post, it looks like you’re in college… with a couple more years to go. Don’t give up, Christina… In a few years, you can make some decisions… and some changes. Things don’t have to be as they are.
It’s hard because you want to prove everyone wrong and that will not be achieved in death. I find the finality of it all difficult to comprehend. Years of evolution have equipped us with all that is necessary to survive through the harsh environment. If life was so good we would already be dead which is contradictory.
Im probably gonna get kicked out of college soon, since i have only passed one class so far.. i have already given up. things shouldnt be the way they are, but they are. and i tried changing it, but i cant. The problem is me. Sigh..
I don’t think the problem is you… You mentioned that you tried changing it. Perhaps the challenge is the strategy… Maybe it will take a little more thought.. or the ideas of others. Please don’t treat yourself as a failure when you haven’t given yourself a fair chance to succeed…
It is difficult. If you have special needs then your school/college should offer support. Not everyone is cut out for school in the same way that few people can run the hundred metres in sub 10. Just try your best and you can do no more than that. It is only when you do not try your best, will you look back in regret.
Can we please stop the optimistic talk? im not in the mood, i have given myself enough chances to succeed but i never do. some people are just born losers and suck at everything. i am one of those people. plus im just a horrible person. I dont deserve to be alive. If i died sooner i wouldnt have ruined so many lifes.
Hi Christina… I understand your point. All I would encourage you to do is think about things and use the resources you’re entitled to. The past is the past. I hope you find peace.
That’s called a self-defeatist attitude. It’s like being stuck in a hole & just giving up, not making any effort to climb out.
If you’re content being miserable then go ahead and lie there in the dark and covince yourself that your life will always suck. You’ll probably get your wish.
I was in a bad mood too but sometimes thinking positive is all you have left. Don’t let anyone take that away because without hope you can’t dream and without dreams there is no future. Dream the impossible, that which you seek will become reality.
if you tried for 15+years to get out of the hole but you can’t in my opinion its stupid to keep on trying.
I understand from experience, Christina… I’ve lost count of the holes I’ve been through in life. My time on SP isn’t because it was a sunny day and I had to choose between a day on the yacht or a visit to this site… It’s because I know well about life’s holes… and they can swallow you. There is a hole or few that I’m struggling with… but a piece of me knows things can be different. For you, I suspect the same. Work hard in college… Reach out… Graduate… In other words, give yourself a chance at succeeding.
I don’t want to do that, I’m not worthy.. but thanks though.
The race is not won by the brave or the swift but those who can endure.
Don’t take the blame for all of it. I bet you never wanted things to turn out like this?
No i didn’t, but it did. which is my own fault.