the only person i could look up to, just said fuck it, that was the last of my hope,i guess i cant get lucky like some people,i gave myself a black eye today, sometimes i still here my moms voice in the back of my head, and it tells me to do shit like she used to,wen i eat, it calls me a pig, just like she used to,i only eat once a day, and i quit throwing up, i just excersize till i stop hearing her voice,i gave my self a black eye today because i am a bad person, and i am punishing myself so nobody els has to,her voice kept telling me, more *****, as it wasnt good enough till i ended up hitting myself so hard with a glass candle,i couldnt move, the pain was so intense, im planning on throwing myself down some stairs to,i want to knock the shit out of my self, nobody gives a shit about me,so why would it matter if i was dead?noone would care any more or less,i have one friend that lives a few hours away and i dont no what she sees in me, cause nobody els sees what she sees,she stuck with me through thick and thin, i dont deserve that,i fear i will lose her because i lose people every time i blink,she drived 4 hours by herself to come see me, and i wanted to burn myself alive because i dont deserve it
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Hi, noexception…. I’ve been down some of this road before… being told to lose weight even though my weight was well within the healthy BMI range. Even today, that’s among the things that lingers in me… and I’m now on the much lower end of the BMI range. But I’m not doing myself any favors but hurting myself… and I’ll suggest the same for you. More people than you think care about you. Sometimes being in the heat of a stressful period can blind you to that. Take a step back and a deep breath.. You have a friend who has stuck by you for a long amount of time.. has driven 4 hours for you.. and probably wants to see good things happen to you. For her sake and yours… Please work on that. If something isn’t working, work on it… Ask your friend for help if you need to. Ask here. I know the moment seems dark… but you deserve much more than you credit yourself for.
I agree with distant
Hey I have smashed cups, bowls all sorts of objects over my own head when I used to get annoyed with myself. I always end up regreting it afterwards. Sometimes we just take it out on ourselves and I don’t know why. I don’t know how long that voice has been in your head but it will start to subside eventually. It’s your own voice that matters and your far too quiet. You will no longer suffer in silence. You will be free to express yourself and they can’t take that from you because your not fat, ugly, useless. You are a human being and have every right to be here and I for one am glad you are.