How long does it take to suffocate? Just wondering if anyone knows . If you dont know then please dont respond. Dont tell me not to do it or I have choices or im not trying hard enough or I feel sorry for myself. Ya every body goes through shit and someone always has it worse , still want to die so tell me what you know or dont please. I just wanna know how long it takes.if anyone knows I dont want advice I just want to leave this world I dont care. I dont have family or friends im alone so it wont affect people that I dont have an thats not why im doing this. Please only respond if you know how long it takes. I know I can find out for myself but I just want to know thanks 🙂
have you ever done somthing bad and you dont realize it until after,people do what i did all the time,but not in the way i did it,but i still did what alot of people do,so why do i feel so bad?i cant talk to anyone about it,what i did,i feel like a bad person,but i feel so guilty,should i just pretend like i never did what i did,or punish myself?
this world is fucked up,im so sick of people,why do these heartless bitches have to exist,you wake up in the best mood ever,then you run into some random ***** that has to make a comment or get rude with you,or a dirty ass fucking look,people are such assholes.what is the point of life?its hard as hell and theres an obstical everywere you turn,its so much eiser to be depressed than happy,cause you take one look at this world and it makes you want to vomit.atleast with me,speaking for myself,
it is always the people you least expect,how can you trust anyone in this world,do people really care like they say they do,when they aint there wen you need them,but then when you dont need them,they decide to try and take over your life,were the fuck were you wen i needed you if you cared so much?mabey some people really do,but i dont understand how,people always think they know you,and sometimes more then you know yourself,but how the hell can they know me wen i bearly know myself?its not possible,this world is so shitty,it feels like iv been forced into this world,out of my control and know im being punished for it,how is that fair,i do stay strong,but its not like i can be super human,having emotions come with being humane,being alive,but i feel dead inside,drained,so far down damaged,that not even a hero could save me right now,so misunderstood by people and this world,that i nolonger understand myself,this world really likes to fuck people over,whats the point,life is so cruel,how can you see the positive wen nothing around you is positive,everywere you go,doesnt matter where you go,this world is so depressing,
why does life have to be so hard?some people think its so easy,or they say(it cant be that bad)them are the people who have family,and friends,people that care about them,and have never been hit in there entire lifes,lets see them close minded fucks try to walk in these shoes,them people that tell me that,wouldnt last a day,iv lasted 21 years,i cant say i survived,i thrived more then anything,i still thrive,i aint that lucky little 16 year old who has a mom and a dad to buy her a car and get her ,her drivers licence,i dont have the support for shit,i do everything on my own,since i was little,about 7,when you dont get comfort or hugs your entire childhood,thru adolecence,and now,that gap in your heart doesnt leave,mabey for some people,mabey all i need to fill it is a hug,i just want to cuddle with a humane being,why should i be there for my dad,he was never there for me,he says he needs me,ya only because he is sitting in a fucking prison,
has anyone ever jumpt a train before?im just wondering because i want to do it,i want to see were it takes me,but question for the people who have already done it,is there anything i should know?
i want to run so bad,but im scared to jump a train,i want to go somewere warm,what if the train takes me to a different country,i herd someone say once that you have to becarefull cause the train driver takes tops every once in a while to check an make sure noone jumpt the train,and they will beat you if they find you,,,i can only hope it will bring me somewere warm,my friend hitched hiked and jumpt trains all the way from california,she told me the rush she got from running,i want it so bad,but the only thing thats stoping me is my dad,i love him and miss him,but h is in prison,for ten more years,but he was never there for me,but what if he changed,im so confused,
why do i stay here if nothing is here for me,my dad is in prison and he is the only reason why i havnt ran away yet,cause i know he needs me to write him,i love him,and i said i wouldnt quit talking to him,he doesnt get out for another ten years,hes all i have,but he was never there for me,so why do i even bother beingthere for him,i dont know if i should leave or not,every night i hear the train go by,and i always think about jumping it,and seeing were it takes me,i dont care about the consequences,i already have ran 15 thousand miles away before,i wasnt scared then,i dont care anymore,
if we were all born with sin,and none of us are good enough to get to heaven,then we are pretty much fucked over,i think of every possible reason,what the point of life would be,but i cant think of any,i try so hard to be strong,but the humane in me cant fucking take it anymore,if i dont have nobody,then why do i stay here,if i wanted to jump a train right now,i could,why cant i just get up and leave,theres nothing here,fuck it,
i am not asking to be judged,or told if its right or wrong,i am asking in my shoes what you think is worse,,,,,if sombody hurt you really bad,and they walked out of your life,then down the road,they wanted to come back in your life,what would hurt more,if you were them,if you didnt even acknoloage the person that hurt you,not even respond,or tell them how they are fake and you will never trust them again,and ask them if you are the only one they hurt and lied to,then tell them to stay the fuck away from you and tell them they are dead to you,???
its two days away from my 21st birthday,i dont have any body,noone to celebrate it with,or go out to diner or lunch, just me and myself,what the fuck happened,i want to die so bad,im not gonna kill myself,whats the point if noone would care if i was dead either,you know when you once had such good memories that you cant even think about it,cause it kills you,and you didnt mean to ever ruin anything or hurt anybody,you were just young and damaged and screaming out for help,and nobody helped you,but it was ok,i was in a group home but i was actually happy for the first time in my life,almost 19 years old,and they say,move on, but its like rock climbing,if you dont have a higer rock to grip on to ,the you cant let go until you do,and i dont have shit
im so sick of people thinking they know me,
how can anyone know me if i dont really know myself?cause im not the main sorce of information for my own life?soon wen you let every body in, and they all hurt you, this mask doesnt do know good, it becomes to late, it can protect me from other people, but it cant protect me from myself,.has anyone ever felt like they wanna die,or even more wen you thiink of certain people?and its hard not to wen thats all u have,i try to be strong for 21 years, and the only thing iv accomplished is getting so worn down from trying to survive, that i cant be strong anymore,right wen you think your heart couldnt even brake anymore,it does,and going from damaged to desroyed in three years,its like i feel dead inside but i still feel me dieing slowly,how can i make happiness when i dont have happiness to make happiness out of?some people say its not good to isolate yourself from people,well its not anybetter then being around people that hurt you either,if i am already destroyed inside, then why would i want to know what could feel worse,i hope i get to go somewere better after i die,otherwise it wouldnt be fair that i existed,i put myself in an invisible box because theres no point of of not,noone understands me,noone listens,not even fucking counslers,they say noone can love you untill you love yourself, thats the biggest bullshit ever!what about them little babies that get left on the side of a road and noone loves them?how can they love themselfs first wen they dont even know how to crawl yet?or talk?how am i sapost to love my self if i aint worth it,if im not worth it to anyone els, then whats the point?people say they care, but anyone can say they care, just like anyone can say sorry,doesnt mean that they mean it.i just want to be done,
tap water has floride in it,you know what els floride is in?rat poisioning,dont believe me, next time you go to the store, look on the ingredients of rat poisioning, and look up what tap water has in it,they can do that, if the highest power government allows it and puts that in water, noone can make them get in troble, they are above everyone,they are above the law,
i was looking at the ingredients in my jar of penut butter, i lookedÂ one of the ingredients up, this is what it says(Copper sulfate is a commonly included chemical in children’s chemistry sets and is often used to grow crystals in schools and in copper plating experiments. Because of its toxicity, it is not recommended for small children. Copper sulfate is often used to demonstrate an exothermic reaction,Copper sulfate was also used in the past as an emetic. It is now considered too toxic for this use. It is still listed as an antidote in the World Health Organization‘s ATC code V03
i been told a dozen times to stop pushing everyone away,but i feel like its the only way i can tell whos real anymore,if they truely care and they know im just protecting myself, then them are the real people that will come back untill i give up pushing them away,i just dont care anymore,im gonna push every one away before they get the chance to push me away,it hurts less knowing its my choice,and i dont want to know the next person or people that are gonna hurt me,why would iwant to know something like that,i already know im worthless, i dont have to even try to piss someone off or ruin someones life,i dont give a fuck, the true people in this world are true to everyone except me,i cant just dye my hair or change my name to mean somthing,it doesnt matter, wen i was little, i pinched my self to make sure i could still feel, now i let the pain just burn my inside untill i dont feel anything,
it will always be the person you least expect,nomatter how many times you dye your hair, or change your appearence,your still you and your nothing special, not like everyone els,life is overrated,so whats so special about making the best outa having nothing, having noone,being used consinly, every time you stick your face out the front door, you fail to make it any futher,everytime you stick your face out the front door, someone says there your freind, but they aint,they either use you, or call you once and find you worthless enough to never answer or call you again,the only person that has ever made me a promis and has kept it is dead,and that person has even called me worthless before,so noones really worth believeing,this world is hell,and if there is another hell besides this one, thene this universe is extremley fucked up,i couldnt picture burning for eternity,after being on the hell called earth and thriveing to get through,and being put on a shittiy planet were you have to withstand torcher,be nearly beaten to death everyday, treated less then humane, watch people get shot and killed,whittness things that cant be unseen, and they say if you kill your self you go to hell, what if you are a paranoid scitzophranic and you here demonds telling you to kill your self and your so dellusional that you kill yourself,then you have to go to an eternity hell?wtf!just wipe me off the face of this earth, wipe me out of existence,how can you see any good when nothing good is around you,all i see is people that have everything you dont, people that hate me for no reason,people suffering,me having no noone, mabey babies being born are precious, but i will never bring a kid into such a misurable world,id rather adopt and try to give them the best of what i can,people expect me to be all happy,like i dont have a reason to be angry, when shit keeps happening to you, you never forget,i made the mistake of listening to people,so i did what they told me to do, i pushed all the trama deep in the back of my mind,but as humane,that shit doesnt go away,when you think you forgot it, you have nightmarriors about it,you notice your consitntly checking to make sure your doors are locked,or having your lights on at night,your never the same,people who tell you to pretend it never happend are the ones who have no idea what its like.espically when life never gets any better,it still sucks,and i dont see the point, so you live your life trying to be happy, but your the unfortunate, the outsider, struggling to get by in this world,you stop trusting people,you start pushing people away,you become cold,people dispize you for it, but there the bitches that forced you to survive this way,being nice is not worthit,you will be used,you will be minipulated, do you ever see a mean angry person that is harsh being takin advantage of?no because they wont let anyone close enough to,
im really bord,have asomnia,does anyone think alot?so much that you foget what you were thinking about 30 seconds ago?what if someone on this website lived right next door to you?or what if its your own teacher or co worker and you have no idea?do you ever think of that?after thinking of that, idont think i could ever say my real name,especially after i said i took a buch of pills last night,i hate life,wisconsin is so boring,i want to live by the ocean,sorry if anyone likes wisconsin,nothing fun ever goes on here,im really depressed and happy at the same time, its driveing me crazy,im only happy because i feel like running faraway and not know were im going,feeling adrenalin,
i really dont get some the reasons for open caskets,before the funerals, they say its respectful to look at who ever is dead laying in there coffin, as everyone is standing in aline waiting to look.so im saposibly the disrespectful one that doesnt look, but tell me,if i really loved that person, why would i want the last image in my head to be of them laying in a coffin dead?if i only had one very last memory, why would i want it to be of them dead? why? that horrible?when my step dad died and i got close enough up to the open casket to see the very tip of his face, thats the last memory i have of him, if thats paying your respects to be stuck witht that image for the rest of your life,then i will take the chance if being disrespectful,cause my grandpa isnt doing good, and whn that time comes,i can be dispized for that, but i aint gonna have my last image of him bein dead, im sick of people telling me thats respectful to look at a dead body, no, thats just tramatizing to get that as your last image of someone you loved,m last image is gonna be of him smileing and happy, and i dont care what anyone has to say about that,
i just took a bunch a sleeping pills, wasnt paying attention to how much,doesnt matter anyways, you know that pain, that deep horrible pain that you cant bear anymore?i had to do somthin, i had to take stuff to help me sleep, i want to escape for a little bit,something kept telling me to take more, not a voice but this feeling, like my conciounce keept screaming out(just take one more,)so i did,hope it dont kill me, i have a plan , its to lay on the rail road tracks,well the pills are starting to kick in, i still feel the pain,i feel a little sick, but i didnt sleep in over 24 hours.