my baby girl loves me. I know she does. I love her, so I hold her as I cry, or I force myself to smile back at her. It feels like my life is falling apart right now. Maybe it’s not, but how do I know? I have made so many mistakes. And I googled the phrase “would someone care if I die”, even though I know the answer. She would care. She loves me, and I love her. So I bear on. And sometimes I think :”she doesn’t deserve a broken mother” maybe if I… But no. No one will love her as much as I do. So I make silly faces to hear her giggle, and carry on.
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Oh, the endless desperate google searches for questions we already know the answer to…my most frequent is “simple painless death” or “how to make your heart stop.” Never really helps me yet i do it over and over again.
You are lucky you have your daughter, and even though you know it already, yes she would care if you die. Keep on keepin’ on, and best of luck to you.
Keep moving forward for her…. and for you… I know things may seem bleak now….. but there is always hope and a solution. Don’t give up. Sometimes it takes some effort and time to get through the hard stuff.