So I actually woke up today not immediately thinking of suicide. Thats a first! I wanted to try focussing on studying.
Then I got a reminder. Dont forget: everybody hates you. Thanks Facebook. I should understand why though, since I despise myself.. But I actually dont. I know I´m a horrible person, but I always try to be nice to people, Im always willing to help people, I really always try to do my best.
The problem is me though. It has always been me. I never really had friends. Girls only wanted to hang out with me I guess so they looked good compared to the ugly monster that is me, and guys just wanted to fuck me.
Thats all I´m good for anyway: fucking. It actually is the only thing I´m good at. I´m this close to trying to start a career in porn. If I fail my tests next week I probably will, since I have to do something with my life.Since I haven´t found a good place to jump from yet. Damn Holland and their small buildings..
Im already basically a whore anyway. People see me as such. For my work I act like one. I got offers on a daily basis, men asking me if they can fuck me for money. And I guess I should take the offers.. All I do is spend money.. I earn about 150 a week and still Ive also used almost all of the money (750 euro) my grandma gave me in december for my drivers license.. What did I spend it on? Weed, alcohol, speed.. clothes. I should take the offers, and I guess be thankful that not everyone thinks I´m disgusting..
Edit: Oh yeah, I´ve already been a whore when I was 16/17. So It´s not like this is new for me.. Maybe I should try to find that pimp again.
10 comments
New reminder: You are capable of much more than you think.
That’s not a reminder. That’s a lie.
It is as much of a reminder as your first one.
Okay better reminder: Fuck Facebook, it’s only for happy people. No one cares for sad people…
Well, weed ain’t that bad. It mellows me out :).
Well its not facebook’s fault everyone hates me.
weed mellows me out too. Makes me a bit more sane. its bad if all you do is smoke weed for 5 years.
we’re all whores in the first world. everyone of us who turns up to our 9-5 and pay’s our taxes (inc. myself)… we’re all sellouts because we have allowed society to beat us into submission while the criminals who control the world run amok. it obviously affects some of us more than others – i guess that is part of the reason we are all here on SP, whether we realise it or not is another thing.
I never understood why people are on facebook. I wouldn’t want anyone knowing my business or what I’m up to and I don’t care about anyone.
The amount of money you have lost is nothing. I have lost hundreds of thousands in the past.
Thinking about my death, it does not bother me whether anyone knows, whether they are happy or sad. It feels right.
I want you to prove them wrong for me. Go a step further that I was not able to take.
SP is just a social club for the moderately depressed to discuss their inadequacies.
Well, I cant remember creating my facebook account actually, but I always hated facebook. I never post something on there. Used it a little while caus my ex was into it. I hate facebook even more since I found out he used fb also to cheat on me.. huray for social media. I havent been on there for months, got an email that I had new notifications, and for some reason I checked them. I shouldnt have done that.
Hmm.. well thats just the past 3 months haha. I just counted roughly, and since i spend a minimum of 70 euro a week on weed i took that as an average. I spend over 16.000 euro on weed in the last 5 years. And thats only on fucking weed. I could have bought a fucking car. or two.
I dont want to take that step though,.
i have to agree with Marmalade in regard to FB. i only ever had an a/c because it became easy to get hold of people because they were always damn on there. deleted my a/c months ago because all i ever did was lurk and squirm at everything i read.
plus my very recent ex of 6 years spends every spare momnet she has on there. oh and is now rekindling her relationship with her ex before me despite the fact he’s halfway round the world.
despite the extra kick in the teeth that all brings, i’d say the hardest part is not being with our twins 24/7. finally getting my own place on payday, everything is arranged and i can stop sofa surfing.
yet still i tread a tight rope and walk here.
p.s. christina– i daren’t think what i’ve spent on weed over the last 15 years but it is the only medication that has kept me going… prescribed or otherwise