I guess this is what complete sadness feels like…to be completely hopeless(hope is only magical thinking anyway). I know why I pushed my ex away in those last few days. But, I’ll never know when or why she decided to leave(she was “gone” before I pushed her away); everything is an assumption.
I know you said if it was true love then I’d do everything I could to find it again, even with someone else. But, do you remember what you said to me when you were separated from your wife and living with Friend B? You said you would never love anyone as much as your wife and that all you’d do is find chicks to screw if you got a divorce. How is it that when I say that, I am wrong?
My ex fucking ripped my heart out; it’s a wound that will always ache and never heal. So you and Friend L both know how much pain I’m in and therefore it doesn’t need to be talked about anymore. I’m tired of being this weight on your life as well as hers. It’s time to do the greatest performance of my life. It’s funny because you’ll be the only one that knows truly that I’ll be pretending to be content or happy or ebullient.
Every part of me misses my ex and every part of me aches. Just another sob story; write it down and throw it away. I won’t write about my ex, talk about her, or any “feelings” associated with her anymore.
But men don’t have “feelings” anyway, right? hahaha