While I write this i fear of the pain i will cause with this simple action,
But i will confess the true. I have been trying to kill myself for a few
months now. I was learning electrons to make my own defibrillator and will be able to fine all my research under Research on Defibrillations. (Tomboy notes) After a month or two upon finding out that this will not work, I tried to overdose on aspirin. When i didn’t die i did some more research and found out that the mortality rate for an aspirin overdose of more than 300 mg/kg is less than 2%. Of course after doing more research I found that if I take a dose of 100 mg/kg a day I’ll be able to slowly poison myself, this method only has a mortality rate of about 25% and it also failed So I’ m about to do it the mans way out using a knife. Although this also has a chance of backfiring this is why I’m doing it late at night.
As for why … it has it roots in high school i was never happy most of it was a lie or some kind of distraction for the ugly true that happen. I wasn’t Liked, even thought everyone knew my name. I was some thing like a scapegoat of some kind. This caused me problems and I withdrew from society using various means. The internet is one of my biggest escapes, and sleeping is another. But i guess that the biggest cause from high school is my super low self esteem, social anxiety, and my mistrust of people. Living in a basement room with no windows didn’t help my mood. I guess this is what lead me to drop out of college, I couldn’t deal with it. I have more to say but thinking about it makes me sink deeper in to this hole were the light doesn’t reach
I just don’t know what to do with my life anymore …
3 comments
It may be worth researching about ways to live. I’m almost certain it’ll be a bigger payoff, almost.
Hi buddy. Sorry to use that word. Anyway. Can I diagnose you?
You have way too much time on your hands, don’t you? And way too much alone time too.
No one should spend days researching ways to off themselves. There are better things in life.
I don’t mean this in a “you’re just a lazy slob” kind of way, I just mean that seems to be quite a large part of your problems, right?
If you’re feeling bad, don’t overestimate your past when looking for culprits. Look at your present too. Right here, right now.
Anyway, I had the same problem (have it again now, as I’m on holiday). Isn’t there something social you could enroll in, something 24/7-ish?
Sermon over.
i hope you get better, but I will try to get this removed because of the methods you posted… it’s just to tempting for indivuals like me that need 1 thing to push them to the edge… nothing against you… If it does get removed, please post again but don’t be specific with the methods.. I am sorry but I don’t want this post to eventually harm others. I hope you find help. but if you do try to hurt yourself, don’t take others with you by posting methods here. please