Hello people…
well… I’ve been depressed for about 4 years. It’s been 3 years now that I am an almost-graduated-economist. I just can’t finish my monograph, which is the last thing I have to do to get the diploma.
I am 25 now. My parents still support me financially. I am from a middle class family that could give me a good life. I studied in a good private school for elementary and high schools, which is expensive here in Brazil (public schools are shit). I was a relatively good student and could, then, go to a public university to study economics. If I was not in trouble, I would have finished it by 2009. I had plans for a master degree in the area, and now I have plans (ideas, I think I shouldn’t call it a plan, as I rarely maintain my goals) of trying to become a diplomat. My family still believe in me, even though I do not correspond to their efforts. I have a nice girlfriend that loves me. I was a little abused by collegues during high school, and had some trouble with girls then. But I have no problems of this kind now.
What’s the matter with me?
I just hate life. I hate not believing in any supreme force. I hate not believing in politics, ethics, or any secular project for humanity. I hate the inequality and unfairness of life. I hate how I feel… so miserable. I don’t see the point of anything we do. I hate when I feel diminished by others, but I hate when I feel superior also. I lost my passion for anything. I feel trapped into a tragedy. I wanna die…
3 comments
I know what you are going through. Right now my life is pretty good but I am still majorly depressed. The only thing I can think of is that you really need to see a doctor and get some anti-depressants. They do wonders. Don’t worry about going to see a psychiatrist, would you worry about seeing a doctor for cancer if you had cancer? Also, psychiatrist don’t just treat psychotic people, they even treat kids with ADHD.
do you ever go for sports?
Well guys… I tried lots of psychiatrists, and I found it boring and useless. If I’m not denying anything to myself, I don’t have too much problems of practical matter. I mean, despite the monograph, nothing is bothering me. I think that my problems are coming from inside, the way I see life. It’s philosophical. I think I should approach life from a more active and self-centered point of view, and not from a distant, passive and contemplative point. Though I understand what to do, I can’t put that behaviour in action.
I’m using anti-depressants for about 3 years. It helped me a lot, for sure. At the lowest point I was really troubled, and could give an end to my life in a desperate moment.
About sports, that’s one of the things that helps me too. I still love two things: soccer and music. I play soccer every tuesday. I also go to the gym. Exercises are good for my humour too.
thanks for the comments guys