My story is kind of long but I will just give the short version: I think I have Body Dysmorphic Disorder. Regardless, I am convinced I am a freak because of something that you all will probably think is absolutely ridiculous (but it distressed me nonetheless): the size of my hands.
No, I am not trolling. I am serious.
I am a 5’1 adult female and my hands are 6 inches long. I feel that they are too small for my body. I don’t know if this is true or not. I have had some comments on their smallness. I was on a date once and the guy said, “You have small hands. I noticed over dinner.” And when he saw I was self-conscious after that he felt stupid and tried to throw in “dainty” and “but you’re a small person, so…” etc. He didn’t know I already had a complex about them from high school.
I haven’t received LOTS of comments about them but occasionally I will. “So SMALL”.
I know, you’re probably thinking, “Grow up, children are starving and wars are raging, etc.” I know… But I feel like a freak π ΓΒ I would give anything to have normal sized hands…
So basically, my family and friends think I’m crazy and assure me I look fine. I don’t see that. I don’t want to hurt them, but… I am lost in despair. Completely unhealthily obsessed. I am going to try to get help I guess, but I am doubtful of it working…
I plan on killing myself eventually, I just need to work up the courage to do so. I will admit I terrified of my consciousness no longer existing. Death can’t be like sleep, because even when you’re asleep your brain is still very active, buzzing away and flashing pictures. I suppose anesthesia is the closest I’ve come to experiencing death, and that is pretty depressing from a… conscious point of view.
Anyway, rambling. I feel like I have freakishly small hands and have purchased a book on suicide methods, hopefully I can work up the courage to do it… I just feel I have no other hope. I am so lost and depressed.
15 comments
their is hope π
there is nothing wrong withh you who cares if you have a little bit smaller hands then then most people can i ask are you going to kill your self becuse your hands are a little bit small ????? think about that or is there more im guessing there is
Body Dysmorphic Disorder is no laughing matter, as I am sure you well understand. First of all, I do not think you should kill yourself, you are worth more than that. What I want you to do is remember what is, who it is, that makes you happy in life. Why do we live life? At the very least I feel its so that we can be happy about ourselves. What happens is that you see your hands under such scrutiny you miss out on being yourself.
What I want you to do is think about what has happened in your life so far (hands and all). Be proud of what you have accomplished, relish in your joys, celebrate the people around you. All this has become apart of you, with or without your hands.
Try everyday. Give yourself just one more day and try not to focus on your hands. Remember our bodies are merely just tools to perceive our world around us, its our soul our essence that is who we truly are.
But you are right. You are not normal. You are uniquely you. And I can tell you, there is someone who likes you for being just that. Why mess with a good thing you know?
Take care, you are perfect.
I must say your story takes the cake. Killing yourself over small hands? Really, most men I think would find that adorable, they would consider it more feminine if nothing else. You cut the story short, I’m sure there must be more to it. Tell us the long story, please. I’m sure many on here would like to read it.
Halsyon,
I think small hands are very attractive on a woman.
And I think your date meant it as a compliment.
Heck that is why petite and smaller women are so attractive in the eyes of so many guys.
Not many of us want to hold hands with a woman who has big hands. We like to envelop her small hands in ours because it appeals to our primal sense of protecting our mate.
Your pain is your pain dear one.
But having had BDD myself about my musculature (ruined my already bad health even further with chemicals , dieting, and overtraining in order to stay ripped and vascular all the time with low bodyfat) I do understand somewhat.
I feel there may be other things but only you know.
Thanks everyone, appreciate the comments…
listermin: I know, it’s crazy. Killing myself over hands :/ I had a therapist once and she insisted that it “wasn’t about my hands”, that is was something deeper. I maintain it IS about my hands, however crazy that sounds :p
I just feel like a freak, that’s all. People say, “What’s wrong with small hands?” but think about it, they can be small to a point but after a certain point they would just look weird if they weren’t large enough for your body. However, I’m probably exaggerating this image in my mind and see my hands as smaller than they are.
Anyway, I am aware of how absurd it is and don’t need people to remind me… I already feel ashamed. But maybe if I get help I can feel better…
Look at it this way ull make a under endowed guy look better if ya catch me π nd theres nothing to be ashamed of u cant help what u feel self concious over, personally i think it makes u even more feminine and cute π
Halsyon,
Marry me and we will have so much fun that you will forget about your hands….
…huh??
@U.N. Owen — Lmfao. That’s weird.
@ Halsyon — Hi sweetie. There are people here who’ll try to help in any way possible. In the end death is your choice. Good vibes to you. Peace.
I’m pretty sure you don’t have freakishly small hands. I’m taller than you by like 2 inches and my hands are about the same size. It’s nothing to worry about.
Ok my hands are actually a bit smaller. by like a centimeter. Yeah. I just measured. This just made me curious.
emotionless: really?? Fuck, man, maybe I am just severely mentally ill. I must have a really warped image of myself and I must just be SUPER insecure. When that guy made that comment about my hands being small it just crushed me inside, whereas most people would probably not think twice about it, right? Or laugh it off?
I hate how crazy this whole post sounds, but the sad part is I am 100% serious π
Depression meds helped before, maybe I should just stay on them for my entire life. Suicide isn’t easy anyway, it’s actually really difficult… *sigh*
I don’t think that being self-concious about your hands is a bad thing. People don’t comment very much on mine, but when they do, I also feel a bit depressed and uncomfortable about it. I think that maybe we feel this way because when people comment on it, we un-conciously feel as if that is a bad thing, when it really isn’t. And you’re right. Suicide is difficult. It’s also a total waste of time. lol no pun intended.