it’s been a while since i was last on this site. i thought everything was good, except not it’s not. i’m failing all my classes in school, i’m afraid i might not even pass this year, and i get anxiety attacks all the time. i really hate anxiety attacks. i feel that the only way to calm myself down is by choking myself or burning my hands with really hot water. i know neither of those things are healthy but the pain on the inside is so bad and i really don’t want to cut, i’ve been resisting for so long, i have the scars to prove it, they’re all healed up but still visible. lately my craving for death has been getting stronger and stronger. i find myself crying at night because i want to die so bad. i just wish life would end because i really have nothing worth living for. i’ve fantasied my death many times. hanging myself in the closet, cutting the veins in my body, putting a gun in my mouth, jumping off a bridge. life seems so meaningless. what am i even living for?
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2 comments
Look at life like this, have a short memory. The bad things that happen, don’t remember them. Not forget, don’t remember. The difference is if you forget, you have no recolection of the thought whatsoever. If you don’t remember, you choose not to think about it and pretend like it never happened. Will you ever forget it? Maybe. But for now, focus on what makes you happy. And what are you here for? That’s the beauty of life. Finding your own purpose. You decide what you do with your life. Not anybody else.
Have you talked to someone?
Excessive anxiety could be a sign that your brain chemistry is awry.
And that can be alleviated by therapy and/or meds.
Maybe you are living so you can conquer yourself.
So that you can be strong enough to not let life get you down.
Using pain as a calming mechanism shows that you want to feel something.
And feeling something can only happen when you are living.